Afterlife
by Gatergirl79
Summary: AU What if Anna had succeeded in killing John Winchester? What if John hadn't had the chance to say yes to Michael? What if Mary had lived to raise her only son alone? Well in Afterlife that's just what happened... Spoilers: Song Remains The Same. Hints at a slashy relationship but no actual slash. Revised Version. No Beta. (will contain spelling/grammar mistakes)
1. Prologue

**Beta: None. WILL have spelling and grammar mistakes. (Please don't complain as I've just warned you.) **

**Sex: No**

**Swearing: Minimal. **

**Main Title: Taken from the song: Afterlife by Avenge Sevenfold.**

**A/N: This is a revised version of Afterlife. There are less chapters but their longer. **

* * *

><p><strong>PROLOGUE<strong>

**THEN**

_Lawrence, Kansas - 1978_

John Winchester flew through the air to crash awkwardly on top of a car's roof, the sound of a neck breaking echoing the large empty garage. Anna had done what she'd come to, she'd stopped Lucifer. Without John Winchester there would be no Sam, without Sam the final seal would never be broken and Lucifer would not rise. She felt a stab of guilt over her actions. She had liked Sam and his brother Dean, but it needed to be done - for the greater good. Sam and Dean would understand that, they were good men. – It was a shame Castiel did not.

Anna was preparing herself to leave when she realized she wasn't alone. A woman came at her with an angel blade. Anna had brought it with her as protection against Castiel, so sure after their meeting that he would try to stop her. – He had not. She wondered if maybe he'd come to see that her way was the only way. She didn't have time to dwell long on her thoughts as the petite blonde, she knew to be Mary Winchester, rushed her. A hunter from a long line of hunters, Mary knew how to fight and Anna found it difficult to maintain the defensive position. She was still weak from her trip.

Mary had seen the demon throw John through the air, she'd heard the sound of a neck breaking and the anger filled her completely. Seeing the shiny silver blade Mary put her life's worth of hunter training into action, the steady practiced and well thought out foot movements, a solid stance that would mean she could both attack and defend at almost the same moment. It was all put to the test now because this bitch was going to pay. She waited for an opportunity and took it, swinging an arm, then a fist, then the blade. The demon ducked out of the way. Holding the defensive but Mary could see she was tiring. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that was wrong, demons didn't get tired but her anger and pain at losing John was all too much to bear. She kept the attack coming. Swing after swing, thrust after thrust, circling the red-haired demon awaiting the perfect moments to strike. She knew the blade she held would not kill the thing, but used right it would give Mary time to exorcise the demon and send the bitch back to hell.

Mary didn't know how long she'd fought with the demon. She didn't know what was happened or why they had attacked John, though she knew demons and monsters didn't need a reason to attack; they did it because that was what evil did, attack and kill the innocent. That vicious little voice in the back of her mind said that this was her fault. That it was a consequence of the deal she's made five years previously, but again that didn't make sense.

Anna was getting drowsy; the room around her was beginning to spin. She needed to get away from here. - Away from Mary Winchester. She stared hard at the woman, she could hear the blood rushing through her veins, could hear her heart pounding. No, she could hear two hearts. She glanced around thinking that it may have been John, but it wasn't. He was dead, his head bent in an awkward potion. No the heartbeat was strong and alive. Anna's eyes turned back to Mary, her gaze drifting to the woman's abdomen. _Dean_. Mary Winchester was pregnant with Dean. Anna felt a little of her guilt ease. Alone Dean could not be used. It took both brothers to set heavens and hells plans in motion. Anna sadly met Mary's gaze. "I'm sorry." Then she was gone.

Mary stood wide eyes at the suddenly empty space in front of her, the demons apology running through her mind. Demons didn't apologies. She looked down at the silver blade for a few seconds before dropping it and running to John. Already knowing it was too late to save him. Kneeling next to his lifeless body, Mary made a vow to discover who that red-haired demon was and hunt the bitch down. - Even if it took the rest of her life to do so.


	2. 1: MY GOD THIS CAN

**Beta: None. WILL have spelling and grammar mistakes. (Please don't complain as I've just warned you.)**

**Sex: No**

**Swearing: Minimal.**

**Main and Chapter Title: Taken from the song: Afterlife by Avenge Sevenfold.**

**MY GOD THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT**

* * *

><p><strong>NOW<strong>

_Lawrence, Kansas 2010_

He'd only been back a few hours and he was already gearing up to set out on another case. Glancing up from the file his mom had handed him, Dean looked at Mary Winchester and winced. He hadn't been able to shake the nightmares from his memory. He'd been having them at an increasing rate over the last few months but he kept them to himself; they were just too disturbing. - Besides Mary was always preoccupied with the hunt for his fathers murdered.

Even now as he stared at his mom he could see her body ablaze, trapped to the ceiling of a nursery. - His brothers' nursery, which never made any sense to Dean as he was an only child. Mary had never re-married after the death of his father, John, saying she could never love another man. So it was just him and her. But still the nightmares continued to haunt him. They were becoming almost unbearable; they felt so real, so intensely real that he could almost believe that this was the dream.

"Dean?" His mother strong voice broke his concentration.

"Yeah." He smiled attentively.

"You alright? You look like you've seen a ghost."

It was a perfectly common phrase, unless you happened to be the Winchesters. In their line of work, Ghosts were the least of their worries. As Hunters; Dean and his mom had come across many a ghost in their time and sent them on to wherever it was the dead went when this life was over. They weren't the only things Dean had brought to ground. He'd hunted a Wendigo in Dakota, Vampires in Texas, a Werewolf in Boston and Shape-shifters in California. That didn't count the demons he'd sent back to hell all over the country, but they weren't number one on the Winchester most wanted list. That honour was reserved for a group who had the entire world fooled, that had everyone believing they were perfect and good. - Angels.

For 25 years Mary had been hunting every angel in existence. She's killed a few here and there but had never found the one angel whose head she wanted on a platter. They had become so wary of Mary that they'd finally vanished from the world, hiding behind their heavenly walls. Of course back when John had first been killed it had been assumed that it was a demon, but after five years of searching Mary had discovered the truth. That it had in fact been an angel that had ripped her heart out. She didn't know why and the demons weren't talking. No matter how much pressure Mary and Dean put on them. Dean hadn't even seen an angel and if he was honest with himself he wasn't sure he believed what his mother had told him all his life. Ever since he could remember she'd talked of angels. She wouldn't say comforting things like_ 'Angels are watching over you'_. No Mary spoke of beings that killed innocent people for their own pleasure. Of heartless soulless creatures who were no better than demons. - Who'd killed her only love for no other reason than it had wanted to.

Mary had told him of his father's death over and again. How a red-haired angel had broken his neck by thrown his across the garage. Mary had arrived just in time to see her. She'd tried to kill her then but the thing had vanished before he'd had a chance, leaving her alone grieving. Having lost her parents a few years before, her only comfort was that she was already carrying his son.

After that Mary had become determined to hunt down what she had mistakenly thought was a demon. She hadn't discovered the truth until she was hunting a rather idiotic smug demon who thought it would be fun to taunt her with the truth. It had backfired. She'd captured the demon in a devils trap and made him tell her what he knew, which turned out not to be much, before sending the thing back to hell. After that demons had become a second priority and Mary had promised herself, her son and her dead husband that even if that meant killing every angel in heaven she'd find her.

"I've heard from Bobby, there's been a sighting."

"What?" Dean replied guiltily, his head snapped up.

Mary frowned with frustration. "Of an Angels."

"What?"

"An angel Dean, you know white feathery wings, killed you father." Mary replied harshly.

Dean glanced down at the folder filled with press clippings connected to the miracle. A man had survived a mugging.

"You think it was one of them?"

"The man was shot at point blank range but didn't die. Bobby's checked into it, no sighs it was a demon deal or anything, but a man was seen walking away from the scene. According to one of the witness accounts he was next to the man's body for a few moments before he left. The man got to his feet fully recovered. If that's not a miracle I don't know what is…. Which means it had to be an angel. Though why it even bothered to save the man I can't fathom…. But if we're right we may get a chance to finally find that bitch that killed your father."

Dean gave a deep sigh. "Maybe it was just a coincidence. – Maybe he wasn't that badly hurt." He tried to rationalize.

"What? - Is there a problem?" Mary asked with an angry frown.

"No ma'am... It's just... I've only just got back from..." The icy stare brought him to a halt. "I'll head out first thing." He smiled pensively knowing there was no point arguing with his mother, she was all about revenge, which was the only thing in her life.

And if Dean was truthful, he hated her for it. – He hated the angels for it.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Castiel sat in an abandoned house. - He'd been here before, with Dean, a lifetime ago. - A different lifetime ago. Life in this altered world was hard for Castiel, trying to pretend he was the same angel heaven knew was the most trying thing but he had no choice, it was the only way he could regain the power he needed to fix what had happened. - And to watch over Dean.

And if they discovered that he wasn't their Castiel they would probably kill him. That was why he came here, to be alone, to use his abilities to track Dean; he never did it from heaven, it would lead to too many questions. This place was his haven. Enochian sigils carved into every wall, there was no way heaven could find him here, not unless they followed him and he was very careful not to have that happen. In this place he could plan, try to figure out how to set things right, even question if he had a right to.

In this life Dean had his mom; he wasn't being pursued by angels trying to pressure him into saying yes to Michael. Anna's murder of John Winchester had put a stop to the grand plan and Dean was happy. He did not miss Sam, because he had no knowledge of him. He did not miss Castiel for the same reason; maybe it was better off this way.

The problem was he missed Dean.

The silence was chilling; he kept expecting Dean's voice to ring through it with some comment that he knew very well he wouldn't understand. He kept waiting for Dean to walk around the corner and pull that face he always did when he saw the angel, the one he pulled in a feign attempt to hid his pleasure, with a roll of his eyes and an unconvincing sigh. Castiel missed these things far more that he would have expected. The angel even missing his shortened name, the others never used it now because without Dean it had never been spoken. But it was Dean saying '_Cass'_ that Castiel missing most, it always sounded far more personal when Dean said it. Like it was a secret between them, even though most people called him Cass now, it was Dean's voice that made it pleasing.

He blamed himself for this world. He shouldn't have allowed Dean to talk him into taking them all back to 1978. He should have gone alone, and then he wouldn't have drained all his power and would have been able to stop Anna himself. Instead he'd ended up passed out in a hotel room. By the time he'd come round several days later it was too late. Anna had killed John Winchester, severing the bloodline, destroying the future as Castiel knew it.

He'd watched from a distance as John was laid to rest, as Mary mourned her dead husband. After that it was a matter of time. He'd waited in the shadows, never contacting heaven because he knew what their response would be. So he'd just watched as Dean grew into a man, not so much different from the one Castiel knew.

He still had the comical screw-the-world attitude. He still had terrible taste in music - at least that was what Sam had always said. - He still had his beloved Impala and idolized the father he never knew. He still had a flair for fornication, though to Castiel's surprise it wasn't quiet as extreme as his Dean's. – And he still put family before everything. - The only thing missing from Dean Winchesters life was his kid brother and his best friend.

Castiel had been tempted on more than one occasion to talk to Dean but he knew that was impossible. Dean hadn't believed in angel before Castiel had pulled him from hell, now, in this world, he believed far too much…. and hated them all. His mother had already killed a few of the garrison in her pursuit of vengeance – his other-self included, which was how he'd been able to reconnect with heaven - and Castiel knew it was only a matter of time before Dean would do the same.

These thoughts continued to haunt him through most of the night as memory after memory of a world that had never existed piled in on him. Thirty years trapped on earth hiding in the shadows had given Castiel a new and painful view of the world. He'd watched people who should have been saved by Sam and Dean die knowing there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Though every now and then, in order to ease his guilt and pain over losing the only person who gave his existence purpose, Castiel would do the unthinkable, he would perform a miracle, save a life he deemed worthy and as Dean would say, screw with Fate.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Dean shot up in the cheap motel bed, sweat pouring from his body. He'd had another of those dreams again. Only this time it wasn't his mother pinned to the ceiling. It was this unknown brother being strangled by a poltergeist. Dean had felt the panic rip through his body as he'd rushed to save the kid, kicking a hole in a wall for a hex bag, the house exploding it a bright white light then the kid falling back against the wooden floor gasping for breath. Dean dropped down next to him, lifted his head to pull the lamp wire from around his neck before pulling him close.

Dean could hardly breath, the whole thing had never felt more real and that terrified him, considering what he did for a living that said a lot. Throwing his legs over the side of the bed he decided to head out to investigate this so-called miracle. He still didn't believe it was the work of angels. That was just too farfetched, deep down he'd always figure that demon had lied to his mom.

After a quick shower, Dean dressed and headed to the local diner for breakfast. After his usual special, he headed to the nearby church. If anyone knew about angels it would be a priest and Dean wanted to know what technically was considered a miracle, and whether it was a possible hoax. Surly the local priest would clarify it for him.

No sooner had he walked out of the diner than he felt it again, a constant feeling of being watched. He'd had it all his life and though it creeped him out, it also felt kind of reassuring, like someone was watching over him. He hoped it was his father. From everything his mom had told him, John Winchester was the best man on earth and Dean wanted to be just like him. He took pristine care of the Impala, his dad's car, he loved to sit and listen to the man's old LP collection. Mary had kept almost everything that belonged to her dead husband and had slowly passed them on to their son. From the records to the leather jacket he was currently sporting. Everything Dean owned and cared about was his fathers and he was as determined as his mother to revenge his murder. He just didn't allow it to control his life. – _Shame mom can't say the same_. He sighed inwardly.

Walking into the old silent church Dean glanced around at the paintings on the walls, angels and demons fighting for prominence over humanity. Both sides wanted something from them, angels wanted to control, demons wanted to corrupt. Dean's gaze fixed on two painting as he walked. One was of the archangel Michael slaying Lucifer. He knew who it was because he'd seen it before in a book. Walking over to it he stared up at the warring brothers and made a mental comment that Michael looked like Kate Blanchet. "Dicks," he scoffed under his breath, before walking on.

In a darkened corner of the church Dean saw another painting hanging almost forgotten. Curiosity had him standing in front of it looking up at the bearded angel with long dark hair. He squinted at the nameplate beneath. _'Castiel'_. Dean frowned and looked up again. "Doesn't look anything like him." he murmured softly and then shook his head. What was he talking about? He'd never even heard of Castiel let alone knew what the dude looked like. But something twitched in the back of his mind.

As he stood staring at the painting, trying to figure out what was going on in his head; Dean heard voices coming from a back room, turning reluctantly from the painting he quickly heading towards them.

"We are not meant to be here. You know how dangerous it is. – And saving that man, what were you thinking?"

"It was not me. – I was in this church, I have been here since I arrived."

Dean peeked through the crack in the door to see the priest and a woman who looked like she should be on the front cover of a skin mag talking, both looking angrily at each other. Dean held his breath to listen.

"If it wasn't you then who was it?" The woman demanded in a scornful tone.

"I do not know."

The woman shook her head of long black hair disbelievingly.

"And what if I did do it, Thomas was a good man with a wife and three children, he did not deserve to be attacked. - Anna is right, we should try to help humanity not simply watch over them."

Dean frowned as he stepped closer to the door.

"Anna? – You have not had contact with her have you? You know it is forbidden."

"I do not care. She has a point."

"If Zachariah discovers this you will be punished. – If not killed."

The man sighed. "I do not care, we are angels, we were created to protect and watch over humanity. That was what father wanted. Instead we stand back and allow demons to run riot over our father creation. Anna says…"

"I do not care what Anna says. – Come we are leaving now."

The younger woman took the older priests arm forcefully. "I can't believe you would risk your grace to save an insignificant human." She grumbled and Dean felt his fist clench, no human was insignificant.

"I have just said I had nothing to do with that. – I am merely trying to serve humanity and help lead them into our fathers' grace."

Dean felt his stomach turn at the tripe this priest was spouting.

"You are an angel, not a human priest; we have no place here with these mud-monkeys."

_Mud-monkeys?_ Dean's anger reached boiling point. Who were these angels to look down on them with contempt? What gave them the right? _Angels? They were real. They existed_. His mind was spinning with this new knowledge, churning with the anger their conversation had ignited in his gut.

The demon had told the truth. He'd told his mom that angels had killed his father and he'd been kind enough to provide a name. _Anna_. Was it the same Anna that these angels were discussing? It had to be, surely there was only one angel with that name.

The anger fumed, filling a place in his gut he hadn't realised was empty. _Anna!_ Dean burst into the back room of the church as the two people – two angels – continued to argue, they turned swiftly at his entrance and must have seen the fury and rage in his gaze. They tried to leave but Dean was quicker. He'd already retrieved the angel blade his mom forced him to carry, especially on this mission, from his waistband. The light gleamed off it as Dean rushed forward, anger taking full control of him. He knew he should ask questions. Discover what they knew. Demand to know who and where this Anna angel was, but that anger and need for vengeance were too strong. Dean simply reacted, thrusting the dagger though the female angels' chest. She exploded in light and Dean staggered back a few inches as she dropped to the floor, he quickly turned his attention to the other angel, who was masquerading as a priest. Dean didn't think or question, he didn't catch the glimpse of an image passing through his mind as he wasted the second angel.

As the two bodies lay bleeding on the church floor, Dean looked up at the ceiling, half expecting to be struck down by lightning, but nothing happened. He breathed a sigh of relief and pent-up anger before marching through the church, placing the angel blade back into his waistband. Angels were real. He'd just killed two, which meant he could kill others; he could get the revenge his mom had spent thirty years searching for. Dean would find as many angels as he could and demand they tell him about this Anna, before killing them. As he past his gaze fell briefly and with sorrow on the painting of the angel Castiel. Part of his mind, a whisper said there was one angel he would not kill.

But Dean did not hear it.


	3. 2: DO YOU REMEMBER ME

**Beta: None. WILL have spelling and grammar mistakes. (Please don't complain as I've just warned you.) **

**Sex: No**

**Swearing: Minimal. **

**Main and Chapter Title: Taken from the song: Afterlife by Avenge Sevenfold.**

* * *

><p><strong>YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME<strong>

Heaven was in up roar at the loss of two angels. Many wanted revenge on the man who'd had the gall to kill them. They wanted action. Which was how many more angels died, revenge always lead to unnecessary deaths, Castiel knew, but as he stood silent watching the chaos he couldn't bring himself to condemn Dean Winchesters actions, though neither did he condone them. He knew how Dean could be when it came to his family. This was vengeance, though heaven didn't know that, and Dean Winchester took vengeance very seriously.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

It had been three months since he'd killed the first two angels and he was no closer to locating Anna. He'd found however that the angels were as much out for his blood as he was out for theirs. It was rather foolish actually, Dean thought. They knew he wanted their head yet instead of staying locked away safe behind their pearly gates, they were making more and more appearances on earth, hunting the hunter. He'd had three fights in one week and it was a surprise to both hunter and angel that he'd come out of them with hardly a scratch. It was as if he was being protected or something, which was ridiculous.

Though what was more ridiculous was what had been happening to his mind. The dreams of this other life were becoming stronger. Dreams of his mother's death, of the father he'd never known, of a brother that didn't exist, all filling him with a sense of loss.

"Winchester!" yelled a gentle yet booming voice.

Dean turned to see a tall slim blonde chick marching angrily across the car park towards him; something about her movements told Dean just who she was. - Or more precisely what, another angel asking for an ass-kicking, well Dean was perfectly willing to give it. "Ask and you shell receive as the bible says." He smirked.

The fight didn't take all that long. Punches were thrown by the angel, Dean ducked and weaved. He's learnt a while ago that you couldn't hit an angel, it was like hitting solid steel, but you didn't need to. All you needed was one good thrust with the magical blade and poof, bye, bye angel. - Which was just what happened.

The angel exploded just like they all did, and just as they all did. The only things left in their wake where the charred remains of wings on the ground and a fresh wave of something intense in Dean's mind. He hadn't noticed it the first few times but whenever he watched an angel go poof, the flash ignited something in his head, like a memory or the memory of a dream. It was becoming stronger and stronger with each flash.

This time it lasted just long enough for Dean to take it in. An angel. Big black wings, much like the ones that were burned into the earth beneath the body in front of him. – A barn, a man that looked like a tax-accountant suited and sporting a dirty trench-coat. Bright innocent looking blue eyes that could easily see through Dean's soul and the worst thing about this image in his mind was it didn't fill him with anger but peace.

Stepping back from the body Dean felt that ever present feeling and glanced around but saw nothing. Dean frowned before walking hurriedly away from the scene of the crime.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Castiel had watched the fight from the shadows. He felt sorry for the loss of another angel but couldn't help his pride in Dean. He should never be able to stand his ground against angels but it seems that the hunter had realised how much strong they were and altered his strategy. When the fight was finished Dean turned, looking around him. Castiel knew the man sensed his presence, he'd always done so. Finally with a sigh the hunter left and once again the angel felt his loss.

The angel left his hiding place and walked remorsefully over to the dead angel, seeing the burnt remains of her wings on the ground. Humans called it déjà vu, he knew. When you relive a moment and that was just what he was doing now. He knelt down next to the body and sighed, having mourned for this angel once before, in his world. "I'm sorry sister." He whispered again as the sound of police sirens could be heard behind him. - Then he was gone.

He reappeared by the river, leaning against the railing on the same dock he'd been before. He liked to go to places he'd been before; they reminded him of what he'd lost. - Dean mostly. Standing there he allowed his thoughts to wonder, something he tried not to do unless within the safety of his house, but after watching Dean fight he couldn't stop them. His stared out at the water with sad eyes and a furrowed brow as he remembered the night he'd told Dean about Lilith and the seals. He'd been angry because they hadn't help with the witnesses and his I-come-first attitude had irritated the soldier in Castiel. He'd quickly put the hunter in his place. They were fighting a war, there were many battles, and Dean Winchester was not the center of the universe.

Only he was, at least to Castiel, and he hadn't realised just how much he needed Dean until he lost him.

He missed so much about the man. His determination. His righteous anger. Hell, even his teasing. His laughter and the way he sang along with what he considered bad rock when he thought no-one was there. He missed their arguments, the ones where Dean was so convinced he was right even though he knew deep down he wasn't.

Castiel needed to find a way to set things right, he knew it was selfish of him but he wanted Dean back.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

It was a bright sunny day when Dean had pulled up in front of a park. He had no real reason for being there, Hell he wasn't even sure where there was, he'd just gotten behind the wheel of his car and driven, not stopping until he'd seen the trees and heard the sound of children playing. He walked slowly over to take a seat and just watched the world go by. It was peaceful here and he had the strangest feeling of déjà vu. Turning his head, he glanced at the other bench, almost expecting to find someone sitting there and sighed with disappointment when he found it empty. Though in his mind he saw who he wanted to see, the same tax-accountant angel with big blue eyes and a caring face, who sat telling him things no-one else knew.

Dean couldn't understand why he was dreaming about an angel. He was meant to be hunting the bastards down; not wishing one was sat next to him. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn't keep the man out of his mind. The dreams weren't just centered on his mother's death, or this unknown brother, but also an angel. One he instinctively knew he cared about.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Castiel watched Dean from across the park. He still couldn't believe he was here, sat only a few feet away. The angels' breath had caught in his lungs when he'd seen that all too familiar black Impala pull up. He was taking what humans called a trip down memory lane. It was the day after Halloween and like always Castiel was sat in the park thinking of Dean and the time they shared here, talking, confiding in one another. It was one of the best days of Castiel existence because on that day he knew Dean was the righteous man, not because destiny had written so but because it was his nature to protect, even if it cost him everything.

Castiel stared at Dean as he looked at the bench beside him with a sadness that made the angels human heart tighten. He had told the hunter his darkest secret on that bench, that he had doubts and Dean hadn't smirked, he hadn't disparaged, he'd just listened. Now there he sat looking so completely alone that it almost broke Castiel. He wanted to go over to him but couldn't.

"Castiel." Announced the familiar voice of Uriel from beside him.

Castiel turned to look at the angel that in his world had betrayed him and heaven. He remembered the day he'd discovered that betrayal. Dean had nearly died that night and Castiel had been so angry he'd confronted Uriel, almost dying himself, probably would have if not for Anna. Of course that was before she'd returned to betray Dean and Sam. – He could not say she'd betrayed him because he'd betrayed her first, which was probably part of the reason they were in this mess. "Uriel."

The large man took a seat. "What are you doing here?" his deep voice boomed in Castiel mind.

"I wanted time to think."

"Why here?" he asked with distain.

Castiel leant forward and rested his elbows on his knees, lifting folded hands to rest his chin on his knuckles. Praying silently that Uriel didn't notice who was sat across the park. "I like it here."

"Surrounded by mud-monkeys…." He scoffed. "… You know it's not safe down here, not with that Winchester boy hunting us. – I don't understand why Zachariah hasn't just sent someone to deal with him."

Castiel remained silent.

"Maybe we should take matters into our own hands." He grumbled and Castiel looked at him.

"You would defy the orders of heaven?" he asked, already knowing Uriel would.

The larger man grunted. "No."

Castiel turned his gaze back to the park, keeping a watchful gaze over Dean, fully prepared to stop Uriel if he noticed. With a deep sigh Castiel decided not to risk remaining any longer. "Let's go."

But it was too late; Uriel had noticed the hunter and had made up his mind to put an end to the Winchester brat once and for all.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Dean returned to his cheap motel room to find a large man stood staring out of the window.

"Hey." Dean snapped, reaching behind him for the blade, something in his mind instantly telling him that this was an angel… and worse, a real dick of one. It was another of those déjà vu things he'd been suffering from more and more of late. "What you want?"

"You head boy."

Dean laughed. "Come on then chuckles." He flashed the blade. "Let's go."

It soon became apparent that this wasn't going to be an easy fight. Dean was not only outweighed by this guy but also out maneuvered. In less than the time it took for Dean to take a breath the angel was on him, pummeling him with a large meaty fist. Uriel smiled down at the horrid little hairless-ape as it knelt crumpled before him. He would finish this finally. He lifted his fist to take that final swing. One he knew could not be survived. But before his fist had even moved a few inches a blinding pain shot through the back of his neck, filling the room with light. Dean crumpled to the flood unconscious and bleeding.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Dean had no idea how he'd survived the attack or how he'd ended up lying on a bed feeling completely normal. He could almost believe it was a dream, but for the blackened marks on the motel room walls. Had he been able to kill the son of a bitch before passing out? And if he had where was the body? The room was empty. - Dean didn't have a clue and frankly right now he didn't care. He was alive and that was a miracle in itself. Getting up off the bed he decided to hit the road, head home before any more dickless angels showed up. He was slowly becoming tired of this private war without end. He was no closer today to find Anna that he was two months ago.

The drive home was silent and lonely. Dean couldn't help glancing at the passenger seat, envisioning a tall Sasquatch sat there throwing him bitch-faces and complaining about the music. Laughing at his terrible joke and sharing the adventure with him.

The thoughts became too much, he could feel tears burning behind his eyes and was forced to pull over. His heart felt like someone had ripped it out. Throwing open the door he got out and went to sit on the hood, trying to force the pain away but no matter how much he tried the visions just wouldn't stop. Flash after flash. Good time after bad. Tears ran down Dean's face and he forced more air into his lungs. The word 'jerk' echoing though his mind like a bell.

He'd always wanted a brother, someone to tease and laugh with, someone to pick on and who would enjoy hitting the open road with him. Dean realised he'd always dreamt about this mystery brother ever since childhood. More tears spilled down his cheeks and he swiped them away. He needed answers. He had to have answer. These weren't just dreams; he knew that in his gut. There was only one thing he could do. One person – if you could call her a person. – He could turn to.

He jumped back behind the wheel of his car and took off heading straight for the crossroads. The bitch owed him, now it was the time to collect.


	4. 3: I SEE A DISTANT LIGHT

**Beta: None. WILL have spelling and grammar mistakes. (Please don't complain as I've just warned you.) **

**Sex: No**

**Swearing: Minimal. **

**Main and Chapter Title: Taken from the song: Afterlife by Avenge Sevenfold.**

* * *

><p><strong>I SEE A DISTANT LIGHT<strong>

Dean stood in the center of the crossroad staring at the demon he'd allowed to live three years ago. He still had no idea why he'd done it; it had been a bad day he guessed. He'd been in this exact same place trying to break a deal some idiot had made, she'd given in eventually, after some forceful persuasion. Dean had been fully prepared to send the bitch back to hell; he was even half way through the rites. Then she'd turned pleading seductive brown eyes on him and said that if he let her go she'd owe him, big time. He hadn't planned on it, he had even laughed at the absurdity of it. But then she'd said that one day he'd need a favor and she'd be here waiting. He hadn't understood what she meant, until now.

She knew something. About him, about his dreams and now was time for her to kiss and tell. "So Dean?"

He didn't know what to ask, he hadn't really thought head that far.

"I haven't got all night, Dean." The dark haired demon snapped.

"Who am I?" that sounded like such a fucking ridiculous question, even to his own ears but it was the only thing he could think of.

"Pardon?" she feigned ignorance with a frown.

"I've been having these dreams…. Kind of like…."

"Another life?" She said with a tilted head and then laughed gently. "I was wondering how long it would take."

"What would take?"

"For reality to seep through."

"Reality? You're not making any sense."

"No I suppose I'm not." She laughed again and began to circle him. "This world isn't right." She began. " This isn't how it was meant to be. – This place is all wrong, many of us can sense it but sadly we can't do anything about it. There's only one thing in the world that can alter the past."

"Alter the past? What the fuck are you talking about?"

She gave a deep sigh. "You father wasn't meant to be killed Dean. – That wasn't the way it was meant to play out. It was meant to be you and your brother. Then that insane angel bitch altered history and fucked everything up."

"My brother?"

"The would-have-been great Sam Winchester. - It was meant to be you and him doing this whole hunting thing together."

Dean stood amazed. "Are you saying these aren't dreams but memories?"

"Give the boy an apple pie. – Actually there more like shadows of another life…..what do you think déjà vu is, sweetie?"

"What about…."

She smirked as if reading his mind. "The angel? – The cute one with the terrible dress sense? Oh he's you're…" she gave him a knowing look that made Dean's stomach clench. "…_Friend_."

"Friend?"

"I know, ironic or something isn't it. You've spent years hunting angels and your best friend happens to be one."

"My _best_ friends? An _angel_? – No fucking way." Dean snapped angrily.

The demon waved her hand dismissively. "Believe, don't believe. I don't care. You asked, I told."

There was a long drawn silence as Dean processed and the demon smirked.

"How do I fix it?" Dean finally asked, not really sure he wanted to.

"Like I said, only thing that can alter the past is an angel."

Then she was gone.

No sooner was Dean alone than his cell was ringing. Bobby had a job for him and he didn't hesitate to take it, he needed to clear his mind and nothing did that like a good normal monster hunt.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Castiel had no idea how Raphael had found his haven but when he'd entered the house he found the archangel stood waiting for him.

"Raphael?"

"Castiel." The archangel said looking around the house. "What is this place?"

"Just some where I come to think." He answered truthfully.

Raphael smirked knowingly but didn't comment. "Uriel's dead."

Castiel tried to look surprised but he knew it wasn't working. Killing Uriel hadn't even been that much of a dilemma for Castiel. The moment he'd known Dean was in danger he'd gone straight too him. As he always did.

He'd arrived just as the angel was about to deliver a death blow and without hesitation or thought Castiel had thrust the angel blade through the back of Uriel's neck. He'd seen Dean collapse, anger and panic had rushed through him. He'd heal the hunter immediately before vanishing with Uriel's body. The only sign they'd ever been there were the scorch marks on the motel walls.

"I'm sorry."

The archangel stared at him with doubt. Something was different about Castiel; Raphael had noticed it an age ago. Castiel was swayed by emotion more than any angel in heaven. He spent more time on earth than was considered natural. That was why Raphael had order that he be watched.

It hadn't taken long for word to reach him that Castiel had this abandoned house which he believed hidden from heaven. Also he'd been told that the angel was watching over Winchester. Now Raphael wanted to know why.

"Castiel, Winchester is becoming more of a threat day by day. We need to finish this. Uriel was right."

Castiel swallowed hard. It wouldn't be the first time he'd fought off an army to protect Dean but something in Raphael's gaze and stance told him to be wary.

"I want you to kill him." Raphael said blandly, holding out a knife to the angel.

There it was and in that instance Castiel knew Raphael was aware of his protective nature towards the hunter.

"Why me?" Castiel asked hoping he was wrong.

Raphael raised his chin. "Because it is an order."

_An order_.

How many times had Castiel taken orders from heaven, how many times had he followed them with regret? How many times had they caused pain to the one person in all existence he'd would and had willingly died for? They were in this mess because he'd followed heavens orders. He'd handed Anna over and they had broken her to such an extent that she'd turned around and betrayed the Winchesters.

"No." Castiel said defiantly.

"Pardon me?"

"I said _no_."

Raphael stared in disbelief. "Why?"

"Because heaven brought this vengeance on itself." Castiel said calmly. "I will not kill Dean Winchester. – And I will not allow any other to either."

"You are going against heaven?"

Castiel started at Raphael, meeting him eye to eye. "This world is not right…." He began. "This is not how it should be. Anna altered history; it is because of her that we are hunted."

"Anna?"

"Yes. – I will find a way to repair what has been changed, with or without your help. – But I will not kill Dean."

Raphael had known that something was wrong with this world. Their father's plan had not played out as it should have. But he'd never considered that another angel would have gone against their father. But then Anna was always like that, independence, thoughtless, never listening to what their father wanted. He hadn't been surprised when she'd fallen, only that it hadn't happened sooner.

"What did she do?" Raphael asked angrily.

Castiel watched him, unsure whether to tell the truth. He knew that heaven would help him, if only to put everything back on course. But Castiel couldn't just rewrite Dean's life again. Not without talking to him. He had a right to choice which life he wanted. Whether it was this one where he had his mom and Bobby – he could even have Castiel, but he would never have Sam, but the world would be safe, there would be no ultimate battle, no saying yes.

He had to give Dean the choice, even if it was the wrong one.

"I do not know." The lie came easily. "I have been trying to discover that."

It was unclear if Raphael believed him or not. The man never showed any emotion other than arrogance.

"Very well, keep searching for Anna. – discover what she did…. Then inform me. We will repair it."

Castiel nodded knowing full well he had no intention of telling the archangel anything, ever.

Raphael vanished leaving Castiel alone once more in his haven, the archangel hadn't been gone a few seconds when he sensed Dean's fear and he didn't even hesitate to go to him.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

This was supposed to be a simple job, that's what Bobby had said. A genie, nothing too hard, silver knit, goats' blood and see ya later genie. Only it wasn't turning out like that. The place had been eerily silent and Dean's mind had wondered, only for a few seconds, but it was enough cause now he was standing pressed against a wall with a genie wanting to make him lunch. He stared at the electric blue aura that surrounded the genies hand as it came closer to him.

Dean tried to hold it off. To stop the thing but these things were just too strong. He didn't think he'd ever watch Barbara Eden in the same light. - If he got to watch her at all. - The hand was coming closer and Dean had all but given up hope.

Then he saw the light in the genies eyes go out. The creature crumbled before him, blood seeping from the back of its neck. Dean glanced around but there was nothing. Nothing he could see at least. But the thing didn't just have an aneurism, something had saved his life and he thought he knew what or who it was.

The angel, the one he'd been dreaming about. Dean walked quietly through the abandoned warehouse hope to hear something. He wanted to talk to his angel. See him face to face. The idea of which made his heart race. - Which was ridiculous.

If only he knew his name.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Castiel watched Dean looking for him. He wanted to make himself visible, confront the man finally, but he couldn't bring himself to. He was nervous, scared even. All he could do was save his life, watch over him and care for him.

At least until he knew how to fix things, then he would have no choice but to talk to Dean, he would have to tell him everything and discover what he wanted. – Which life he wanted. Castiel glanced up at the ceiling above him and prayed pointlessly for an answer.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Two days after the incident with the genies, Dean was still trying to locate his angel. Everything had been put out of his mind except that. He needed to find him; it was almost like an obsession.

But how do you track an angel. They weren't like demons; they didn't leave omens in their wake. He knew it was going to be practically impossible to find him if he didn't want to be found, but he was going to try.

He'd realised rather quickly that the angel seemed to arrive when he was in trouble, that he had come to his rescue when that big bastard of an angel had tried to kill him. So Dean came up with an idea.

He began to throw himself in the path of oncoming dangers; he'd already broken three ribs that week by walking into demon bars unprotected. Anyone would think he had a death-wish. But the little feathery dude hadn't come flying in to help.

Dean was close to giving up, when he'd heard from that crossroad demon that his angel was in danger. Apparently there was a bounty on the dudes head. Though no-one knew who'd placed it. Rumor said it was an angel but that just sounded too ridiculous, even to Dean.

"He's going to be at this address." She handed him the note.

"Why are you helping me?" Dean asked. He'd been trying to figure that out for weeks.

"Because with any luck you and him can…." She winked at him. "… Reconnect and fix this god awful world."

Dean glared at her. "This place isn't that bad."

"For you maybe. – This is not the world we belong in, this place is too….. dull."

"Dull?"

She smirked. "Trust me; the real world is much more fun. – You and your brother, fighting the good fight with that angel on your shoulder. Doesn't that just scream fun?"

Dean didn't trust this demon any further than he could throw her. She was up to something, he knew that much for sure and whatever it was it couldn't be done in this world.

Did that mean that this world was the right one, maybe this was all one giant game, setting him up to royally fuck the world over?

"You'll need this." She handed him a gun.

"A Colt? - What you expect me to shot a demon with this?"

"That genius is a special Colt, only one in existence. – that my boy can kill demons."

"What?" Dean stared down at it. "Impossible."

"Oh, very possible, but if I were you I'd be careful, the guy going after your feathery friend doesn't take prisoners, you'll only get one shot at taking him out. – now if you want to save your angel I suggest you get going, Alastair's not going to hang around waiting for you to turn up."

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Castiel was walking unseen through the streets of Chicago. He'd heard rumors that Anna was hiding out around here, he didn't believe them, Anna wouldn't be foolish enough to allow anyone to know where she was. She'd be found when she wanted to be. But if there was a change that one of her little fallen angel, of which there were a growing number, were around then just maybe he could get some information. Maybe convince them that Anna's way is the wrong way. – Though she wasn't doing anything Castiel, Dean and Sam hadn't been doing; fighting for the survival of mankind.

He appeared in front of the apartment's door and listened, but all he could hear was silence. No heartbeats, no breathing. This is what Dean called a wild-goose chase. But Castiel decided to take a look anyway.

It was a mistake. There was a reason he hadn't been about to sense anything beyond that door. It was covered in Enochian warding magic. It blocked out his 'radar' completely.

Déjà vu all over again.

Castiel stood face to face with Alastair, the man's slim smug features smiling mercilessly at him.

"Hello angel." He said though his nose.

"_Alastair_."

"Oh, I'm famous, even in heaven, how wonderful." He took a bow.

"Why are you here?"

"It seems someone what's your pretty little head on a stick. – I'm here to collect."

Castiel knew how this fight was going to end; he'd been here before only this time he didn't have Sam to save him.


	5. 4: HELLO, OLD FRIEND

**Beta: None. WILL have spelling and grammar mistakes. (Please don't complain as I've just warned you.) **

**Sex: No**

**Swearing: Minimal. **

**Main Title: Afterlife by Avenge Sevenfold.**

**Chapter Title: My Sacrifice by Creed**

* * *

><p><strong>HELLO, OLD FRIEND<strong>

Dean arrived just in time to see Castiel being pinned to a wall, the demon chanting some mumbo jumbo that was making light shine though his mouth and eyes. He looked like he'd gone twelve rounds with Tyson.

Panic shot though him. Could demons kill angels? Dean wasn't going to take the change. Raising the Colt, the cool mental resting against his moist nervous palm, he pulled the trigger. The explosion drew the attention of the demon who looked surprised to see him then and even more surprised to see what he held before him.

The surprise was permanently printed on his face as the bullet pierced flesh and bone to embed itself in the demon brain, sending sparks through his body before he fell to the ground dead.

Dean stared down at him, shocked that the Colt had actually worked. Slowly he pulled his gaze away from the demon to fix on the angel. His bright blue eyes everything Dean had dreamed and more. His heart was racing as he looked at his angel; he ignored the anger that was fighting to free itself. He'd hated angels for so long, blamed them for so long, it was hard to silence it.

"Hey." Dean said with a featureless expression.

Castiel couldn't breathe; he just stood there staring at Dean Winchester. Not his Dean, but Dean none the less. Finally he forced words from his throat.

"Hello Dean."

Dean didn't ask any questions, he simply took Castiel under the arm and helped him out of the building. Castiel knew he would heal quickly but he allowed this contact. He'd missed it so much over the last thirty years. It was like heaven to feel Dean's concern again.

"Where are we going?" Castiel asked as he walked next to Dean toward the Impala.

Dean paused. He hadn't thought that far ahead. He couldn't take the angel back to his mothers' house. She'd kill him as soon as look at him.

"Bobby's."

Castiel smiled to himself, it was nice to know that although much had changed in this world Dean still turned to Bobby Singer for help.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

The drive to Bobby's was long and silent for the most part. Dean anxiously kept his gaze fixed on the road ahead, but every so often his eyes drifted to the man beside him, who in turn looked at him. Their gazes locking every time without fail. Hazel meeting Blue.

Castiel felt strangely at home in the Impala. An old human saying rushed to the forefront of his mind. Home is where the heart is. – Well that was more than true. His heart was sat right next to him.

He still couldn't believe Dean had saved him from Alastair and wasn't sure how he had. He had the Colt, which surprised Castiel as he hadn't thought it existed in this world. But there it was on the seat between them.

The hours on the road alone where intense yet calming for Dean and Castiel. A thousand questions swirling around the hunters mind, but he couldn't think of a single one to voice.

After almost two hours on the highway Castiel had the infuriating feeling of being confined. It happened every time he was forced to ride in the car rather than use his wings. He could have had them at Bobby's instantly on leaving the apartment but Dean hated being flown anywhere. He said it gave him constipation, which Castiel doubted; it was more than likely that Dean needed to be in control of where he went and with whom.

Castiel fidgeted in this seat, drawing Dean's attention.

"You alright?" Dean murmured.

"Yes."

They fell into silence again.

"So….. You're an angel?"

"Yes, Dean. – I am."

The hunter shifted in his seat at the sound of his name on the angel tongue.

"And you name is…?"

Castiel turned in his seat, meeting his onetime friends gaze. "You do not know?"

He had hoped that for some reason the two worlds had bleed into one another allowing Dean to remember him. If he didn't then, why had he save him. Concern sparked in his gut, but it was quickly put out by the scolding look Dean shot his way.

"If I knew I wouldn't be asking."

Now that was a familiar tone and it sent a thrill thought the angel. "Castiel. – my name is Castiel."

Dean's head snapped around wide eyes. Had his mind finally reached overload capacity? Heat blazed across his face. At least now he understood why he'd done it. Why he'd rummaged through half a dozen book stores in search of a single pathetic painting, he'd seen only briefly in a church.

And he was right. It doesn't look anything like him.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

It was early morning when they finally pulled into Singers Auto Salvage. Dean wasn't sure how Bobby was going to react to the arrival of an angel. – Bobby had spent years helping Mary Winchester track and locate angels and demons.

The aging hunter had his own reason for doing so, though whether they were because he understood Mary's need for vengeance or because he was angry at the injustice of the world and heavens role in it, no one knew. – Not even Bobby.

Bobby Singer opened the door with a surprise yet overjoyed smile. "Dean." His eyes shining with a fatherly pride and love, they shifted to take in the man at Dean's side. "Who's your friend?"

Castiel nodded at the hunter who was the closest thing Dean had to a father. Castiel had always considered that out of the two men Dean Winchester looked up to, Bobby was the better. He only ever helped, comforted, supported and loved the Winchester boys. John had left Dean to raise his kid brother alone while he went hunting, loading far too much responsibility on his sons' young innocent shoulders, and then as Dean had become a man, John had continued to pile on the pressure, telling his son that one day he may need to kill his own brother. What kind of father did that?

Then Castiel realised, _his own_. John Winchester had done the same thing to Sam and Dean as Castiel's father had done to Michael and Lucifer. The only difference was that the two brothers' would rather go to hell than kill each other. That for them was never going to be an option.

Bobby had stepped back from the door to allow them into the house, his eyes still taking in Castiel's black suit and tatty blood stained trench-coat, while waiting for Dean to answer his question.

"Bobby…. This is Cas."

The angels' human heart tightened in his chest at the use of his shortened name. It was wonderful to hear it again; it had been so long, spoken in that deep unforgiving yet gentle voice. Heaven held nothing to that single syllable word, spoken by Dean Winchester.

"Hey." Bobby nodded, before staring at Dean with questions in his eyes.

"We need…. To talk, in safety…." He glanced back at Cas. "…He had demons on his tale." Dean clarified.

Bobby frowned looking between the two men, but then nodded. "You know where it is. – Beers in the fridge." Then the older man walked through the kitchen and out the back door.

Dean showed Castiel through the house that wasn't all that different from the one he'd known. The paint wasn't quiet as chipped; the wallpaper wasn't peeling in places. A woman had clearly been keeping Bobby on his toes and refusing to allow the house to fall into disrepair. The obvious culprit was Mary.

The two men walked silently down to the basement and to the all too familiar safe-room. The scent of iron and salt filling the small place, Castiel had that feeling of home again and his eyes lightened, turning up in the corners as he gave that small rare smile.

Dean shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over the back of a metal chair before dropping down onto the small cot bed, turning his gaze to the angel.

Castiel stood as he always did, stiffly, for a few moments before he dropped down into the chair Dean's leather jacket was hanging off of. Castiel could smell the scent of gun-smoke, rock-salt and that scent that was uniquely his sweat and earth, everything that made up Dean Winchester.

Dean nervously scratched at the back of his head. "So….?"

Castiel watched his feet, unsure why he was so nervous. This was Dean after all.

"Do you know about his fucked up reality thing?"

Castiel's eyes shot up. "Pardon?"

"Apparently this isn't our reality." Dean said matter-of-factly.

"How….?" Castiel couldn't breathe, Dean knew. "…. How do you know this?"

"A demon told me."

"_Demon_?" Castiel frowned, tilting his head in confusion.

Dean felt his heart trip at the small innocent gesture. He'd seen it in his dreams but to see it in the flesh was…. Well, it made him happy, so much so that his mouth turned up in the corners. "Yeah. – The bitch that gave me the Colt and who told me where to find you. Evidently, we're…. friends….. in this other reality."

"You made a deal with a demon?" Castiel said with a hint of stern anger in his deep gravely voice, his blue eyes burning into Dean's.

"No!" Dean snapped back, not liking the angels tone. "She owed me one, if you must know. – Not that I have you answer to you."

The pair stared challengingly at each other for what felt like an eternity.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

"So did you know?" Dean finally asked, taking a deep heavy breath.

"Yes, Dean. I knew. – I – I'm from that other reality. I got trapped in this timeline when we failed to stop Anna." He sighed regretfully.

"_We_?"

"Yes, Dean. _We_. – You, Me and Sam."

Dean flinched at the name. The dreams, memories, whatever they were, were growing stronger, leaving his soul raw with loss.

They fell silent again, Dean shifting uncomfortably on the bed, while Castiel stared at him. Finally Dean spoke.

"Can you fix it?" his voice was small.

Castiel had never heard it like that before and his heart tightened. "I could…. If you want it?"

Dean ran his hand over his face. "This over world…. W-what is it like?"

Castiel met his gaze. "You have Sam."

"And?"

"Bobby."

Dean glanced to the still open panic-room door. At least he would still have Bobby.

"But not my mom."

"No."

"What happened to her?" Dean was curious; the dream only gave him half the story, now he wanted the rest.

"She was killed by a demon named Azazal. – He was with Sam when she walked in on them."

"Why was he after Sam?" Dean frowned, his voice tightening as he said the name.

Castiel looked at his shoes. He knew he had to tell Dean everything. Dean needed to make an informed decision.

"He was feeding him demon blood." Castiel continued matter-of-factly.

"What!" Dean practically shouted.

"You asked what my world is like…. It's at war." He paused to meet Dean confused and shocked gaze. "Lucifer walks the earth. The planet is in chaos. Heaven is trying to persuade you to say yes to the archangel Michael, while Lucifer is trying to convince Sam to become his vessel. They want the final battle. They want to kill each other and they do not care who is caught in the crossfire. – It is the apocalypse Dean, and you and Sam are the only ones standing in its way."

Dean sat there open mouthed. "Apocalypse?"

Castiel nodded.

"As in apocalypse, apocalypse? – As in fifty dollar a gallon gas apocalypse?"

Castiel sighed. Dean was not this slow, he just liked being dramatic. "That is what I said Dean."

Dean's tanned; rough hand ran though his hair again, and again, his mind a whirl. "And you want to go back to that world?" he asked, puzzled as to why anyone would want that hellish existence.

Castiel meet hazel questioning eyes. _I just want to be with you._ Was his answer, shame he didn't say it. "It is your decision Dean. – Your choice as to which world exists."

Dean frowned. "Why my choice?"

"Because I am your friend… I would not do anything against your will." Castiel heard Dean's deep intake of breath. "If you wish to return things to their right order, I will help you. If you want to stay here, live your life with your mom and Bobby. I will leave you to do so." He felt his stomach tighten at the thought of leaving Dean again.

"Leave?" Dean glared. "Why?" was that hope Dean suddenly saw light up those blue eyes?

"Because I am an angel, you hate us…with good reason."

Dean couldn't deny that, even now, knowing who the man sitting in front of him was, he could still feel the rage and need to strike out against his life-long enemy. But as much as he was filled with rage, the angel before him filled him with something much more profound. Calm, hope, warmth…. Friendship. He didn't want to lose Cas now that he'd just found him.

"If I want you to remain...?" he found himself asked. "… in this world?"

There was a pregnant pause.

"Then I will." Castiel said mildly, looking into Dean's eyes. Or was it into his soul.


	6. 5: HOW QUICKLY LIFE CAN TURN AROUND

**Beta: None. WILL have spelling and grammar mistakes. (Please don't complain as I've just warned you.) **

**Sex: No**

**Swearing: Minimal. **

**Main Title: Afterlife by Avenge Sevenfold.**

**Chapter Title: My Sacrifice by Creed**

* * *

><p><strong>HOW QUICKLY LIFE CAN TURN AROUND<strong>

"So I have to choice between a brother I've never known and a world on the brink of destruction or my Mom, Bobby and a world where I'm happy and fighting the good fight one day at a time?"

_When you say it like that the decision is easy_. Dean thought.

The thing was his heart wasn't making it that easy. Over the last few hours, Cas had filled in the gaps, telling him about the other world, about his father and Sam, about the madness Heaven and Hell were unleashing on the world, and while the angel spoke Dean's mind filled with images, memories of that other life. Of his Mom, Dad, Bobby, Cas….. But mostly of Sammy.

He remembered losing Sam. Making the deal to bring him back, not realizing he was playing right into destiny's hands. He remembered his own death at the claws of hideous hell hounds. He remembers flashes of the terrible things he'd done in hell.

Castiel pulling him free. Waking and having to crawl out of his own grave. Discovering that Sam was drinking demon blood. Their fights. Sam breaking the final seal.

They were all clear and become clearer by the second and with them came the pain. Why would he want that world? But as much as there were terrible hurtful memories there was the good stuff too.

Teaching Sammy to read. Teaching him to fight. Teaching him to chat-up girls. Watching fireworks on the fourth of July. Hustling pool. Riding the highway. Playing pranks on each other. The warmth of knowing that he always had Sam's back and vice versa, even when they were at war.

And it was those feeling and memories that was making this a hard decision.

He leant back against the Impala and threw back another mouthful of beer, breathing in the night air. He'd left Cas talking to Bobby, who'd been surprisingly accepting about having an angel in his house.

Dean had needed to escape the angel for a little bit. As much as he felt wonderful having the feathery dude around, he needed time to think about this whole alternate universe thing. Two world, both alike yet totally different and he had to choice which would exist and which would perish. How was that fair?

"Dean?"

Dean felt his heart jump at the familiarity of that voice. He didn't turn to meet the man's gaze; he just kept his eyes fixed on the maze of battered car before him. "Yeah."

Castiel stopped a little too close to Dean and sighed. His breath fanning the hunters' cheek. "I know this is hard for you." Cas said gently. "You do not that to make this decision tonight."

"You're asking me to choice between members of my family, Cas."

"Yes. I am."

"How can you do that?" Dean turned to stare at the angel, tears brimming, preparing to fall.

"Because I have to." Cas sighed guilty. "I – I could have kept silent Dean…. And if you had not have already been told, I – I fear I may have."

Dean frowned, his fingers tightening around the bottle. "You wouldn't have told me? – Ever?"

Cas shrugs clumsily. "Possibly not, No."

"Why?"

"Because you are happy here Dean. You have your Mom – whom I know you love dearly. – and Bobby."

"But not Sam." Dean's voice grew rough with anger.

"You do not know Sam, Dean. If it was not for the dreams and what the demon told you, you would never have even thought about him."

"But I do have the dreams…" Dean shouted, throwing the bottle across the yard, surprised when Cas didn't even flinch. "She did tell me…."

"Yes, so now you must choice."

"That's _not_ fucking fair Cas!"

The angel glanced down at his feet pitifully. "I know Dean."

Dean lifted his hand and placed it on the angels shoulder, squeezing it lightly, waiting for Cas to meet his gaze before speaking.

"I'm sorry, Cas." He sighed wearily. "I – I'm just having trouble with this whole thing. Separating this reality from the feeling and memories of the other."

"It's alright Dean. It's understandable."

"I bet the other me's not this rude and horrid to you?" he scoffed.

"Actually…. Your very much the same." Cas smiled softly. "Though you're…he…was a little bit more promiscuous."

Dean laughed heartily. "Bet that drove you crazy."

"At times yes."

Dean met the angels blue eyes and his breath caught as it rarely had. If fact he wasn't sure he'd ever had it happen. He could blame the beer for what happened next. If it wasn't for the fact he'd only had one.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Cas stared wide eyed and breathless as Dean's hand snaked the back of his neck, pulling him close and burying his mouth into the angels. Cas had never been kissed before, and he would never have expected to be. – Certainly not by Dean.

He knew his Dean would never have done so. _His_ Dean was always afraid of his emotions, of allowing himself to feel anything stronger than brotherly affection or friendship.

Cas had learnt long ago that he loved Dean. – He couldn't place when it had happened. How long he'd felt this way. It may very well have been from the moment he'd taken hold of his soul in hell, or when he'd walked into that barn….. Or the thousand and one moments after, all he knew was that it was the strongest feeling he'd ever experienced.

People thought angels didn't feel; that they didn't understand emotions such as love or loyalty. That was wrong, they did, they just weren't controlled by them. Angels were very much like those creatures in that film Dean had forced him to watch. – Saying _'Spock reminded me of you'_. - They felt the emotions of humanity but had realised early on that they were illogical and unnecessary. At least that was what every angel was led to believe.

But as much as he had these feeling and he knew that somewhere in Dean's soul, he returned them, he also knew Dean well enough to know he would never allow them to change him. – Dean was attracted to women, Cas was not a woman. At present he was very much a man, so there could be no mutual attraction and certainly no kissing. Knowing that he'd buried his feeling for Dean as only an angel could, knowing he'd never have them returned and never expecting to. Of course that was why the purest love of all was unconditional; He loved Dean whether the hunter loved him or not.

So being kissed by Dean now was…. Everything.

But as much as it was everything Castiel had ever secretly desired, the fallen angel that he was, his mind couldn't fight the repetitive voice telling him this wasn't his Dean. – Of course, he may never see his Dean again. Not if this other, more open Dean wanted to keep this world and sacrifice the other.

If he did choice that option, what would Castiel do then? What would Castiel feel then? – Essentially they were both Dean Winchester, hunter, smart-aleck; the only difference between them was this man was not afraid to return everything Castiel felt. – It was there in his kiss.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Dean was a little surprised at his own forwardness. – Especially with a guy. It wasn't going to deny he'd thought about it before. There'd been a few months back in his late teens when he'd experimented with the idea, but he'd never found the guy that had him taking that final step…. until now.

Dean wasn't an _Idjit_, as much as Bobby called him one. Something inside him told him that these feeling were directed at a single man. He'd felt it the instant he'd seen him in the apartment being beaten by that demon. He'd felt a heart shattering fear of losing something he hadn't even found yet.

Dean had to stifle a groan when the angel pulled away from him, his eyes wide and bright with desire and confusion, causing Dean to smirk.

"Why did you do that?" Cas asked deeply, his chest rising and falling.

Dean shrugged. "Just felt like it. – It seemed like the right moment." The angles head tilted again. "And you doing that doesn't help matters."

"What?"

"That head tilt thing…" Dean mimicked him, still smiling with satisfaction. "It's kind of sexy."

Cas gaped at Dean's honest words. It was so unlike his Dean. He quickly adjusted his stance, straightening his back and head.

"Am I embarrassing you?" Dean laughed taking a step forward breaking into the shorter man's personal space.

"Dean, personal space." Cas breathed, partly wanting to back away, partly wanting to press closer. This was slowly becoming like a dream.

"What about it."

"You do not like breaking personal space boundaries Dean."

Something passed over his features and Cas though it looked a little like jealousy, but that couldn't be true.

"I'm not the same man Cas." His tone forceful.

"I am aware of that Dean."

They fell silent for a few moments, simple staring at each other. It was so comfortable, so right, as if they slipped back into a natural world that only existed for them.

"Do you miss him?"

"Him?" Cas frowned.

"Me. – The other me?"

Cass breath caught. "You are the same man Dean."

Dean raised a disbelieving brow. "We both know that's not true, Cas. – Going by the look on your face just now, I'd guess that I don't kiss you."

Castiel was not blushing. He refused to allow it. "No Dean. – You do not kiss me. – We are friends, nothing more."

"Huh." Dean scratched at the back of his head. "Friends?"

"Yes."

"Your choice or mine?"

A confused head tilt was quickly snapped back into place and Dean bit back a laugh as he waited for an answer.

"Yours Dean." Cas whispered.

"Huh. – So I'm an idiot, nice to know." Then he was walking back to the house, Cas watching him go with a confused head tilt.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Cas sat on the edge of the bed in Bobby's spare room, which Dean always used when staying over. It wasn't the empty space that Castiel had seen it. This room was warm and welcoming. It was Dean's home away from home. Castiel glanced at the old wallpaper that was covered over with posters from various classic rock bands. The bed beneath him was soft and as he watched Dean sleep, he knew the hunter was confortable and happy here.

Castiel had watched Dean sleep a million times in two different worlds, over the past thirty years, but never before had Dean known of his presence.

Now not only was Dean aware of his presence but more than ever the angel was aware of the hunter at his side.

"Are you going to do that all night?" Dean suddenly said, opening one eyes to see the surprise of the angels face.

"I thought you were asleep." Cas blushed, averting his gaze.

"Do you always watch people sleep?"

"Only you?" Castiel answered honestly. He heard the hunters breathe hitch.

Castiel frowned as he felt Dean move on the mattress, he turned to see the hunter moving further away from him. "I will leave you." Cas began to rise, but was shocked to find Dean's hand gripping his sleeve.

"Don't." Dean said matter-of-factly, pulling the angel back down next to him.

Cas stared with wide eyes. "Dean?"

"Lay down." He ordered.

"I do not require sleep."

"Well I do, and if you're going to insist on watching me all night…." Which Dean found kinkily existing, not to mention embarrassing? "I'd rather we both be comfortable, so lay down Cas." His voice dropped seductively.

The angel paused for a few long moments unsure. His Dean had never allowed such intimacy. In fact, _his_ Dean hated it when he found him watching from the edge of the bed.

"Cas?" Dean stifled a yawn.

The mattress dipped as Cas lowered himself down next to the hunter. He hadn't lain on a bed in years. Not since he'd woken up in that motel room allow and with the intense and inexplicable feeling of loss. It had taken him three days to gain the strength to reach out with what was left of his grace in search of Dean, but it wasn't his hunter he'd sensed it was the beginnings of this hunter, this man….. This Dean Winchester.

"You comfortable?"

"Yes Dean."

The hunter turned his head and laughed at the sight of the man lying stiffly staring up at the ceiling. His breathing easy and regular, his arms at his side, Dean found it amusing that the man lay in the same uncomfortably ill-at-easy manner in which he stood.

"Relax dude." Dean grumbled. "If I wanted to sleep next to a statue I'd steal one from a church."

Cas sighed, his head snapping around to stare at Dean. "You are trying to provoke me, Dean."

"Is it working?" he smirked warily.

"No, it is not." Cas returned his gaze to the white cobwebbed ceiling.

Dean was tired, he needed to sleep after the excitement of the past few weeks, but he wasn't going to get any if Cas continued to lay like that. So he rolled onto his side and watched him.

"Why are you watching me Dean?"

"Why were you watching me?" he shot back.

Castiel didn't reply, because he didn't know. He never knew why he watched Dean sleep; it was just something he felt compelled to do.

Dean felt his eye lids growing heavy and tried desperately to keep them open, forcing himself to talk in hopes of keeping himself awake.

"Tell me about Sam."

They were both surprised by that request but Cas pressed forward, telling the hunter about the brother he never knew. About how close they were and that their bond was beyond that of brotherhood, but one of friendship and love.

Castiel's gravelly gentle voice eased the stress that had pained Dean for year, allowing him to fall peacefully to sleep at his angels' side.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Dean woke. His body warm and pressed against Cass side, his arm slumped across the man's waist and his cheek lying on his shoulder. As he stirred, his hand unconsciously slid beneath the tanner trench-coat and jacket, till it was placed against the white shirt, feeling the warmth of the flesh beneath.

Dean smiled to himself and shifted closer, his body warm and coming alive.

"Dean?"

"Mm." he didn't open his eyes. "Cas."

"W-what are you doing Dean."

"I believe it's called snuggling, Cas."

"Why?"

"Because your warm and I want to."

"Dean."

"Let me guess, I don't snuggle?" Dean voice took on that jealous tone again as he finally pulled away.

Cas sat up and swung his legs over the bed. "Why is your voice strained like that Dean?"

Dean was dressing across the room. "Strained?" he said innocently.

"Like you are…. Jealous."

Dean scoffed and smirked at the same instance. Not looking at the angel. "Jealous? – Of what?"

"That is what I am wondering Dean?"

Dean marched towards the bedroom door. "I'm going for breakfast."

"Dean."

The man didn't even acknowledge he'd heard the angels' voice, he simply left the room.

It was ridiculous but Cas was right, he was jealous though he wouldn't admit it. It was just too insane. Who in their right mind was jealous of themselves? Of a man that had never existed, except he had, to Castiel anyway.

And that was what bothered Dean. He shared many of this man's memories and feeling, his need for Castiel was strong and demanding and came for the very center of him. From his soul, yet Cas had told him that this other-self had not so much as kissed him. It made him question why. Surely if he felt this strong pull of desire and affection for the angel, then surely so did Castiel's Dean.

Dean marched into the kitchen to find Cas standing near the counter waiting for him. His gaze telling Dean that the angel wanted to continue their discussion.

"Not know Cas."

"I merely want to know what is bothering you Dean." He pressed quietly, knowing that Dean would not want Bobby to hear them.

"Nothing." He sighed, reaching into the cabinet for his coco puffs.

"Dean?" he was insistent, his voice harsh and giving Dean the sense that he was demand his respected.

Turning to glance at him he was suddenly hit with a memory of them standing in this kitchen, Cas meeting his gaze unflinchingly and _actually_ demanding _'you should show me some respect'_. The feeling of intimidation and said respect flooded him.

"I – I just….." he couldn't say it. "I'm going for a shower." He left, leaving his bowl on the kitchen table. At the door he looked over his shoulder. "Don't follow me." a small reluctant smirk played at the corner of his mouth. Then he was gone.

Cas glared at the hunters order. Now that was the Dean Winchester he knew and loved.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Cas sat in Bobby's kitchen wondering what had cause Dean to become so distant. Of course, he was used to it. His Dean was always pushing him away when he got too close. But this Dean, he seemed to welcome Cass presence, even his touch.

Cas sighed, he'd spent eternity watching humanity, he'd spent thirty years living on and off among them yet he still failed to understand them.

When he'd lain next to Dean all night he'd never felt so close to him. When the hunter had wrapped his arm around him in his sleep, his breath had caught in his chest and he could have sworn he'd fallen asleep in Dean's arms.

Cas stared at the untouched bowl for what felt like forever.


	7. 6: WITHIN YOUR MIND

**Beta: None. WILL have spelling and grammar mistakes. (Please don't complain as I've just warned you.) **

**Sex: No**

**Swearing: Minimal. **

**Main Title: Afterlife by Avenge Sevenfold.**

**Chapter Title: My Sacrifice by Creed**

* * *

><p><strong>WITHIN YOUR MIND<strong>

Dean had no idea what had gotten into him. He was acting like a girl. He buried his head under the warm water and breathed deep, hoping the water would wash away… everything. The memories, the need, the feelings and the choice.

He felt his head beginning to ache under the weight of two worlds fighting against one another. Cas had told him that it was his choice, which world was really and which would only me a memory, but the problem was they were both real to Dean, they were merely separated by a fence.

_The grass is always greener_. His mind contributed.

Yeah, except both sides had equally green grass; on this side, he had his mom and Bobby…. He could even have Cas, if he could get over this irrational jealousy of himself. While on the other he had Sam and Bobby… and Cas, though on that side of the fence they were friends, nothing more; which meant his other-self was clearly either an idiot, blind or just a plan-ass jerk.

So really it came down to one choice, well two actually. One: his mother over his brother? Two: friendship over love?

_ Love? _

Dean got out the shower and stared at his reflection, he wanted to deny the love aspect, wanted to tell himself that there was no such thing as love at first sight, which there wasn't – because he hadn't fallen for Cas at first sight, he fallen for him over the course of months and years, as memories slipped into his dreams, as feeling resurfaced a bit at a time, over the course of a life-time.

He'd been in love with Cas for his entire life, though he hadn't known it. It wasn't love at first sight; it was finding that which was lost.

Watching himself in the mirror he sighed and resolved to himself that if his other-self didn't have the common sense to want Cas, then he didn't deserve to have him.

That of course didn't mean that Dean had made his choice. Cas had said there was no rush, but he'd made up his mind not to allow his other-self to stop him from following where their heart led him.

Now he just had to convince Cas to allow him a chance, to see if this world could work for them both.

Something tightened suddenly in his stomach as a realization hit him like a thunderbolt. He would give up that other world, that other life…..Sammy, for this one if only he could have Cas. Because with Cas, this life would be happy.

Tears burned at his eyes lids. His throat tightened up on him. His breathe burned in his lungs. He stared into his own eyes and whispered a pray of apology to his unknown but remembered brother. As he did so he knew, his heart knew that Sam would understand. That he would not mind as long as Dean was happy.

This world was safe; there were no threats, no angel/demon war. This world was what his life was meant to be.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Dean strolled down the stairs with clean skin and fresh insight, and came to a shocked halt. "Mom?" he frowned as Mary Winchester stood in the doorway her eyes hard and angry. "Mom, what are you doing here?"

"Where is it?" she demanded.

"What?" Dean asked, trying desperately to sound innocent, while trying to figure what she was doing here, how she's known.

"Don't play dumb with me Dean John Winchester!" she almost shouted. "Where. Is. _It_!"

Dean's gaze snapped to the kitchen for a split second before turning back to his mother. That second was all the older woman need to know just where her enemy was. Before another word could leave Dean's lips she was barreling forwards, murder in her gaze.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

"Mom! – Mom!" Dean jumped over the banister, landing with a crash on the wooden boards; he didn't hesitate for a second before rushing after his mother. "Stop. Mom!"

Bobby rushed out of the lounge at the sound of the raised voices; seeing Mary marching murderously towards the angel he tried to get to her. "Mary Stop…. Listen." But she was determined and angry.

Castiel watched it all happening in a blur, he got to his feet and fixed his gaze with Mary's. The woman hadn't change much over the years. She was still beautiful, even with the violence shining from her ocean coloured eyes. He saw Dean rushing in from behind her, he saw Bobby coming from the other room, he saw the gleam of an angel blade him Mary's hand.

"MOM!" Dean yelled but the woman continued to ignore him.

Cas looked from Mary to Dean and noticed the desperation in the younger hunters gaze, the fear and his heart skipped. Twice in two days he'd seen that fear in Dean's eyes, both of which were aimed at him and the risk to his existence.

Early morning sunlight bounced off the pure silver of the blade as it was raised. Castiel didn't flinch, he didn't breath. He understood Mary's hate. He accepted it. After all he was as responsible for what had happened to John Winchester as Anna.

Rough fingers wrapped around Mary's wrist as Dean sprinted past his mother to shield Cas. The woman glanced around angrily to see Bobby holding her firm.

"Stop!" he ordered.

"It's an angel."

Bobby's gaze shot to Cas then back to Mary. "Yep, but that doesn't mean he deserves to die."

"You're protecting it?" She gasped. "I thought you were on my side?"

"I am Mary." Bobby said softly. "But he's not like the others." He nodded towards the silent angel being shielded by her son.

Dean was press against Cas with pleading in his eyes. "Mom…. Just listen, please."

Mary's gaze shifted between her son and the angel he was protecting, a sense of betrayal washing over her, that betray was flamed with anger when she noticed Dean's finger cling to the man's hand.

Mother and Son locked gazes, a thousand questions and accusation swimming between them.

"Who is he?" she grounded out, not meeting the angels' eyes, talking as if it wasn't there.

"Castiel."

She snorted at the gentle way her son said the name. "And he's here way exactly?"

"To help." Cas answered.

Mary didn't acknowledge him or what he'd said; she stared at her son waiting for him. It was childish, but anger tended to do that to people.

"He's here to help, Mom."

Mary scoffed and turned to leave. "Help turn my family against me."

"Mom." Dean rushed after the retreating woman. "Please…. There'd stuff you need to hear…. About Dad."

Mary came to a halt not turning. "What about him?"

"Who killed him….."

"I know who killed him." her voice tightened with emotion at the pain and memory of that day, which was still so raw to her.

"Why she killed him."

"Because angels don't care, they're no better than demons. – I thought I taught you that."

Dean glanced back at Cas with soft eyes. "They're not all bad Mom. Some do care…. A lot."

His mother mumbled under her breath.

"Just listen to what Cas has to say, then you can go. – It's important Mom."

Mary turned slowly to stare passed her son to the man standing in the kitchen of her friend, the angel that was slowly fooling her family. Tears burned at the back of her eyes. She breathed deep and stepped into the lounged, lowering herself down on the window seat, her heart pounding against her ribs.

She wasn't fooled, she wouldn't be fooled. She would listen to what this angel had to tell her, then she would finish him as she had a dozen before.

She would not be fooled by innocent remorseful eyes.

"You called my mother." Dean whispered harshly to Bobby as he watched Mary walk to her seat in the lounge.

"She has a right to hear this, Idjit. – He would have been her son too." Bobby snapped before following after Mary.

Dean turned apologetic eyes on Cas and smiled as he walked towards him. "You're going to have to tell her everything. – She'll never trust you if you don't."

"Everything?"

Dean smirked. "Everything that is relevant…." He lowered his voice. "You can leave out the kissing and snuggling. I don't my mom would appreciate hearing about her sons love life."

Cas nodded, but Dean didn't miss the red stain creeping up his cheeks. It made his earlier decision the right one. – At least as long as he could convince the angel to go along with it….. Not to mention his mother.

"Are you going to hide in there all day?" Mary Winchester shouted from the other room. Her tone clearly informing the two men that she was angry and impatient.

"Let's get this over with….. Cause there are more important things to discuss."

Cas frowned and tilted his head unconsciously, which Dean instantly mirrored with a secret smile, cause Cas to once again straighten.

"What is more important than fixing what Anna has done?"

Dean sighed a little angrily. "I thought you said that was my decision to make…. Fixing it?"

"I – It is?"

"Then let _me_ make it."

"Dean!" Mary shouted again and the hunter headed for the room, Castiel behind him.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Castiel sat on a hard desk chair meeting Mary's gaze unflinchingly. The only thing that was making him nervous was the way Dean was sat on the coach staring at him. He wasn't sure where to start, it had been so easy to tell Dean and Bobby what had happened, he knew them, he knew they'd understand. But he'd never met Mary Winchester.

She was staring at him in the same way Dean had when he'd walked into that apartment to save his life. It spoke of a memory, but she couldn't remember him.

"I know you." She suddenly remarked.

Dean and Bobby's heads snapped around to stare at the woman. "What?" they quizzed in unison.

"I know him…?" her eyes narrowed. "I – no, that's impossible…. I killed you. – Five years ago."

"What?" Dean's mouth fell open as he stared at Cas with confusion.

"Yes…. Only it was not me, it was my other self."

"You're what?" Mary sneered.

"I'm not from this reality. I travel back with your sons to try to stop Anna." Cas began. "Anna travelled back from the year 2009 to kill you and John Winchester."

"Why?" Mary was angry again.

"To destroy your children." He glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye.

"Well she failed." Mary smirked bitterly.

"Not completely. – You were already carrying Dean, but she was able to insure that Sam was never born."

"Sam?"

"Your other son. – He was supposed to be born in 1982, but with John's death that never happened."

Castiel calmly told Mary everything, leaving out nothing, except Dean's kiss. Mary sat watching with a bemused and somewhat disbelieving look on her face though out. As Cas spoke of the grand plan and the Winchesters role. How Sam and Dean were the destine vessels of Michael and Lucifer, of Anna's desperate plan, Mary said nothing.

"Why Me? – Why my sons." Mary asked when Castiel had finished, still not believing what the angel said.

"Because it is destiny, because John Winchesters bloodline stretches all the way back to Adam and because you made the deal." Cass voice suddenly held a hint of anger.

"Deal?" Dean frowned. "What deal?"

Mary's gaze narrowed at the angel, her hands clenched tightly around the angel blade in her lap. Cas waited, never once breaking eye contact. A challenge passed between them, Mary daring the angel to speak, Cas daring the mother not to. Dean and Bobby sat between them waiting.

"This is rubbish. – He's lying." Mary sprang to her feet. "If you want to believe this shit, go ahead I'm leaving."

"What deal Mom?" Dean snapped, gripping his mother's arm and receiving a blazing glare for his trouble, but he did not let go.

"Dean." She warned in a low grown. "Let me go."

"Not until you tell me, what deal?"

Dean saw the tear burning behind his mother's eyes and the bottom of his stomach fell away, his heart pounding. She sent Cas a scolding hateful look, probably because he was forcing her into a position where she had to reveals something she didn't want to.

"It's not important Dean."

"If it's the reason Dad died, it is."

His mother's face whitened considerably, it was a discomforting sight.

"I – it was a long time ago Dean…." She said in a small tight voice. "I – there's no proof that what that thing…." She spat. "… is saying is true."

"He has a name Mom." Dean snapped becoming increasing angry with the woman how'd raised him, taught him, not only because of the way she was speaking to Cas, but also cause of her attempts to avoid the question. "And it's the truth Mom. – You know that as well as I do. – It makes sense."

There was a long pregnant silence that filled the room and stole the air. Dean stared at his mother; Bobby stared at them both and Cas stared out of the window.

"I – I made a deal…."

"With?"

She sighed furiously. "A demon."

"What? – When? – Why?"

Mary sent a murderous look to the back of Cass head, he couldn't see it, but he felt it just the same.

"To save your father. – A yellow eyed demon killed your grandparents and then your father, he promised to bring John back if I agreed to his terms."

"What terms?" Dean shouted.

"He said something about stopping by the house in ten years."

Dean stared open mouthed for an eternity. "And you didn't ask why?"

"Of course, he didn't say why, he said no one would get hurt."

"Well he _lied_!" Dean shouted, his head once again filling with the oxygen-stealing vision of his mother burning alive. "… Demon's do that! – He lied Mom, cause someone did get hurt, YOU!"

Mary met his eyes with tears sliding from beneath blond lashes.

"You died, Mom….." he was crying, he didn't want to but he'd held back these memories, the pain he hadn't actually experienced but remembered, for so long it was all he could do not to crumble under its weight.

Mary's hand brushed her sons' cheek. "I'm sorry, Dean…. If I had known…. If I had thought…."

"You still would have done it." Dean whispered, he was still angry, still so very angry. "Because to you Dads' the most important thing…. Dad and getting revenge for his murder, no matter what the cost." With that the tall man turned on his heels and marched out of the room, his mother gaping at his retreat. Tears pouring from her eyes like a river bursting its banks.


	8. 7: LETS FIND PEACE THERE

**Beta: None. WILL have spelling and grammar mistakes. (Please don't complain as I've just warned you.) **

**Sex: No**

**Swearing: Minimal. **

**Main Title: Afterlife by Avenge Sevenfold.**

**Chapter Title: My Sacrifice by Creed**

* * *

><p><strong>LETS FIND PEACE THERE<strong>

Castiel found Dean in the Impala, his head resting on the steering wheel, tears staining his cheeks and making his green eyes red and raw. The angel didn't just appear in the front seat as he used to, he gently pulled open the door and claimed in.

Dean didn't look around, he didn't need to. "Where is she." His voice rough with emotion.

"Talking to Bobby." Cas kept his eyes fixed in front of him. "She _is_ sorry Dean."

"She made a deal with a demon Cas…. A _deal_…. She _knows_ what that means."

"She did it out of love." Castiel sighed, somewhat understanding Mary's reasons.

Dean's head snapped around suddenly. "Would you….? For - you're Dean?"

Castiel was silent for a beat. "Dean…. I – You are my Dean."

The hunter scoffed. "Yeah right." His fingers tightened around the wheel until his knuckles went white. "We both know that's not true. – You've already said my other-self's an idiot."

"I didn't not say that." Cas defended a little too harshly.

Dean shot his an _I-told-you-so _look. "See."

"See what Dean?"

"We may look the same, talk the same, even have the same memories and emotion – though he's are clearly buried in the pit. – but you see us differently. He's _your_ Dean, and I'm just the one standing between you and him."

"That's not true Dean." Though Cas knew that was a lie.

"So if I said I wanted to stay here. That this was my world, my choice, you'd be fine with that? – you'd stay without complaint." He watched the question rush through the angels mind, watched him turn it over, watched him shift in his seat. He didn't need to answer, Dean already knew.

And it made him just a little bit furious. "Why Cas? – Why the fuck do you want that world, with Michael and Lucifer, with war and the horsemen…. With a guy who treats you like some kind of servant only there to do his bidding!"

"He does not treat me like that!" Cas snapped.

"No…." he tapped his forehead. "… I have the memories Cas, I know what he think, feels and the way he acts. – He's a jerk who's so scared of everything. He clings too hard to Sam, and yet pushes you away unless he needs something. – he's a jerk, a grade-A, first class, prize-winning JERK!"

Castiel's fist connected with the hunters jaw before either of them knew it. The sound of bone hitting bone resounded around the cramped space. Dean yelled, Cas grunted with the force of the blow. A blow so filled with pain and anger that it broke flesh and fractured bone.

Dean could feel the pain shooting across his cheek bone up towards his eye. His teeth collided with each other and he could taste the blood in his mouth. His heart race with adrenalin and his instincts screamed to fight back.

Dean Winchester was never one to ignore his instincts. His fist flew out to connect with the angels face only for the bones in his hand to shatter on impact. He yelled in pain.

Cass eyes widened with shock and guilt and agony as he looked from the hunters hand to his face and back again. Castiel had never raised a hand to Dean, and he'd been sorely tempted, but he'd known he could do the man too much damage, he could even kill him with a single well times and positioned blow. Yet he'd just done it, he'd hit out at Dean because he was hurt and angry. Because Dean had hit a raw nerve.

He reached out his hand and sighed when the man flinched. He was cradling his hands, blood seeping from his mouth, nose and the broken skin on the side of his jaw. The angels fingers brushed lightly against his cheek and warmth spread beneath the skin, easing the pain and healing the wounds. Then Cas reached down and took Dean's hand in his own, gently, with great care and love. The warmth began anew and Dean gasped as he felt the bones knitting together. When it was done Cas held the hand for a few moments longer than necessary.

Dean looked up into his angels' guilt ridden blue eyes. He raised his hand to touch the other man's cheek, to assure him that it was alright. But before flesh touched flesh, it touched thin air. "I'm Sorry Dean." Echoing like a breeze as the angel vanished.

Dean inhaled deeply, staring down at his newly mended hand. An hour ago he'd decided that this was his world, his Mom, Bobby and Cas would more than make up for the pain of not having Sam. But now he realised that he wouldn't have Cas, at least not in the way he wanted him. – He would have his friendship, his support but never his heart, because as ridiculous as it sounded, the angel was in love with him….. just not _Him_.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

"Where's Dean?" Mary demanded as Cas reappeared in the kitchen. She was sitting at the kitchen table alone nursing a glass of Bobby's best whiskey, her eyes blood shot and tired, making her look older than she was.

"In his car." Castiel replied mournfully.

Mary stared down at the amber liquid. "Is he alright?" she breathed.

Castiel swallowed his guilt. He'd hit him. How could he have hit him? "He will be."

She raised her ocean eyes to meet the angels impossible blue. "Why are you really here?" there was no accusation in her voice, only concern and curiosity.

"To fix things."

"So heaven and hell can have their war." Now she was accusing.

"No." Castiel gasped, his eyes narrowing. "Because…."

She waited for him to continue, when he didn't she probed. "Because?"

Castiel broke eye contact and gaze at his feet. "I – Dean…. Is my friend... Sam…" How was he meant to explain to this woman, Dean's mother, why he was here when he wasn't even sure himself? He should have stayed away. Let Dean live his life, reconnected with heaven and continued on as the angel he was. But that had been painfully impossible, he needed Dean. It was selfish, he knew that, but his bond to Dean Winchester was just too strong to allow to slip away without a fight.

Mary pushed a chair out from under the table with her foot, a silent order to sit that Cas understood perfectly. He took the seat opposite Mary Winchester but still couldn't meet her eyes.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Castiel didn't speak for a long time once he'd seated himself. With his hands folded in his lap, he watched as his fingers entwined with each other. There was a small stain of blood on his knuckles from where he'd lashed out at Dean. He felt drained and tired, though he knew he couldn't be; angels didn't get tired, but he felt it all the same.

He began to rub at the blood in a very Lady Macbeth manner. _Out, out damn spot,_ he could almost hear himself saying. He hadn't understood Shakespeare, not at first, much as it was with Dean; things the bard had written or said, during Castiel occasionally visits to earth with the garrison. – With Uriel – had confused him, but over the centuries he'd been able to learn to understand. He'd even visited the bard in heaven.

Shakespeare had been far wiser than he should have been. He understood humanity in a way Castiel envied. Since being trapped in this world, with all that time away from the light of heaven, hiding in the shadows, he'd had time to adapt. He had tried to watch television and movies, knowing how much Dean loved them, but Castiel had always found himself bored and so had begun to read. It was all he really could do.

The bard's work was intense, filled with human emotion and characters he could understand and sympathize with.

Of them all, Viola was the one he understood, something about that character spoke to him, locked in the guise of a man, determined to help the Duke win that which he most desired. Who serves and defends him, hiding her true feeling beneath friendship. Always knowing she would never be the one he wanted. How could such a character not speak to Castiel?

Dean had accused his other-self of using Cas and the angel knew he'd spoken the truth, but it wasn't done out of malice; it was just that Dean knew no other way to be. His whole life had been one fight after another, one threat after another, the only person outside of his blood kin Dean had allowed into his heart was Bobby and he'd known the man almost his whole life, he was practically family. Castiel couldn't expect Dean to accept him in the same way, not after only a year and a few months. Dean's trust was hard won and easily lost. His heart? Well, Cas wasn't sure anyone, man or woman, would be able to win that.

But wasn't that what Castiel was being offered? This Dean, the one he'd watched over since before he was even born, was offering him that.

"I'm waiting." Mary's voice broke through his thoughts shattering his contemplation like glass.

He'd forgotten the woman was even there, his thought having spiraled off in a thousand directions in the space of a few minutes. He glanced up and tried to remember what they had been discussing.

"Why are you here?" She repeated as if reading his mind. "Why do you care?"

"I…" he took a breath. "Dean is important."

"To your war." Mary's tone was scathing and harsh.

"To the world… To humanity."

"And that's why you're here? To save your world, no matter what the cost to Dean's happiness."

"No." Castiel retorted with a hard stare. "I have given Dean the choice; I have given him all he needs to know to make that choice. He has memories of both worlds; he knows what he will gain and what he will lose…."

"Sam?" Mary whispered wishfully.

"Yes." Castiel sighed sympathetically, noticing for the first time the glistening on the woman's dark lashes.

"It's not fair to make him choose."

Castiel stared at his hands once more. He'd already had this conversation. "I am aware of that… But would it have been any fairer to have taken that decision out of Dean's hands? To have made it for him? – Dean loves Sam. Dean loves you. He must pick between you, it is unfair, it is painful but it is right."

"And if he chooses this world?"

Why did they keep asking him that? Why did it matter what he did or felt? This was Dean's world, Dean's happiness that mattered, Dean's loss. It was of no import what Castiel felt or wanted.

Mary watched the angel with eagle eyes. Her son had been right; he wasn't like the others. There was something all too familiar under the service, behind those guilty blue eyes that pulled at her heartstrings.

Love? Yes. Though it wasn't that passionate hungry love that came with youth and inexperience, it was the unconditional kind, the self-sacrificing kind. It was the love she had felt for John. It was the love she felt for Dean. It was pure and unbreakable... and utterly destroying.

"W – Was Dean happy?"

Castiel raised his eyes silently.

"In your world… would Dean be happy?"

Was Dean happy? That was such a hard question, deep down in his soul, no, Dean wasn't happy but then Dean had never really known what true happiness was. He'd come close, Castiel knew. The happiest Dean had been and probably ever would be was with Sam. Sam was Dean's life and he came first in every aspect of it. As long as Dean had Sam, he was as happy as he would ever be.

"Yes… with Sam, Dean is happy."

Mary sighed and nodded before taking a sip of the whiskey. "He's not happy here – Not completely."

"Dean will only ever be completely happy in heaven. On earth, no matter which world he chooses, he will never be entirely happy. There is always something missing, something to be sacrificed whether it's you or Sam."

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Dean had made up his mind, and it hurt worse than anything he'd ever experienced in his life, putting all the remembered pain to shame. But the pain he now felt was not trapped in his memories, it was all too real. It was in his skin, in his heart and in his soul.

He already realised that it didn't matter, whichever reality he chose he lost someone. As he sat in the silence, the mid-day sun casting long shadows over the salvage yard.

A small city of empty worthless cars surrounded the small wooden house he'd spent so many years in. Their 'hidden city' is what he and Sam had called it on the occasions they'd been forced to stay with Bobby - before John and the older man had fought about something, they still didn't know what the argument had been - they'd run wild among these towers, playing as hunters. Sam had said Dean would be the world's best hunter.

Dean lost his breath. The memories were growing stronger and clearer. Ever since he'd reconnected with Cas they were hammering against the barrier between this world and the other.

He cradled his newly healed hand remorsefully. He shouldn't have baited Cas the way he had. He'd known what he'd been doing but he'd been angry after his argument with his mother, and Cas's defense of his other-self had only infuriated him more.

So he'd gone for the jugular, sure that he'd get a reaction out of the quiet mute angel. And boy had he gotten a reaction.

The wound and pain was gone but Dean could still feel it, much like the memories of his brother, it was a shadow of something that no longer existed. He wondered if this world would be like that on the other side. He kept telling himself that he wasn't losing a mom he was gaining a brother. He had had a full and reasonably happy life with his mom and if that memory stayed with him, seeping through the fence, then he could happy go on with his other life. He would remember his mom, but he would have Sam and Cas would have Dean.

He hoped that other-self would remember what he felt towards Cas and that it would give him the courage to accept the love the angel obviously carried for him. Maybe even return it. Though Dean knew that would never happen, something was fundamentally different in their thinking. Dean had never shied away from his emotions, while Cas's Dean hid them away, scared of the pain they would eventually cause him. Like loving anyone was too great a risk. So he pushed away everyone but Sam. Dean had called him clingy but that wasn't even close to describing Dean's attitude towards his younger brother. Hell, even co-dependent was an understatement.

And this was who Cas wanted him to be? This was who Cas cared about? Dean shook his head, the angel's clearly has his own issues if he'd prefer to be with a guy who thought his wants came first; who needed to be given a reason to help the angel who'd saved him from hell; who'd rebelled against heaven to help him; he rather that selfish bastard over him, who could offer Cas so much more.

Was he really going to do this? He asked himself. Was he really going to make such a literally life altering decision based on an angel he'd known less than twenty four hours? No. he was making it because he'd know Cas his whole life. He knew now that that presence he'd felt from childhood, the one he'd assumed was his father had been the angel watching over him. He'd had those blue eyes in his mind almost as long as he knew what blue was. Cas was as much a part of his history as his memories of his mother and Bobby. It hadn't just been the shadow of a memory like with Sam. The angel's presence in this world had strengthened the bond between them, making those memories and feeling the strongest.

He was the reason Dean had never been able to have a steady, long-term relationship. It had nothing to do with commitment issues, as Cassie had said; it was just that he hadn't found the person he was committed to. Dean smirked to himself as he remembered that the thing he'd liked most about Cassie had been her name.

So, he wasn't giving up this world for a man he was suddenly falling for, he was giving it up for the man he'd already fallen for, a man whose soul was practically knitted to his own, who was willing to sacrifice what he wanted for the chance to give it to Dean.

That was what it meant to love someone unconditionally and fully – and that was exactly why Dean was going to return to the hell that was that other life.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

The gentle breeze swept up Anna's copper hair. She'd been watching them for years, always knowing that this day would come. She had been hopeful to begin with, when Mary's vengeful nature had caused her to mistrust and hate angels. That hate had rubbed off on Dean and Anna had allowed herself – foolishly – to believe that he would never allow Castiel near enough to tell him what she'd done and why - but she should have known.

She's noticed the change in Castiel when they met in that abandoned building. When her brother told her he wouldn't allow her to harm Sam Winchester. When he'd turned those steely eyes on her with the promise of retribution if she so much as tried, Anna had known. She hadn't needed to read his thoughts to see it, it was right there in plain view. He wasn't protecting Sam because the boy was his friend; he was protecting him because he was Dean's brother.

She'd looked into the angels grace and found that spread of humanity that had signed her death warrant. It angered her that Castiel had judged her, handed her over to heaven and then turned around and done the same thing. And Castiel's crime was worse than hers, she had ripped out her grace, she had chosen to be human, she had cut off all ties to heaven and she done it in a bid for freedom. Castiel still had his grace, he was still connected to heaven even though he fought against it and he'd done it not for freedom, but for desire for a human. He was truly a fallen one. Yet he was allowed to live, to continue to feed off of heavens power.

The thoughts of the human that she'd tried to destroy broke through her wrathful thoughts. She could hear his struggle as well as his choice. She'd known what would happen if Dean and Castiel were reunited, and that had been why she'd put that bounty on her brother's head. As soon as she'd heard that Castiel was guarding over Dean, she'd known it would only be a matter of time.

"Are you sure about this?"

Anna wanted to ignore the one at her side. She hadn't wanted to drag another angel into this, but she couldn't stop Castiel on her own, he had more power that she did, he had heaven on his side, so she'd been forced to seek help from someone as strong as the angel. It hadn't been much of a hard sell; he liked the world as it was. It worked for him. He was only too happy not to have their fathers' grand plan put back on the rails. So he'd agreed to help her.

"Yes. It's the only way." Anna murmured, her gaze never leaving the black car a few feet away. "Castiel can ruin everything, he'd put that human and his own desires before the greater good – the hypocrite."

The angel beside her sighed, a deep frown creasing his brow. "Fine – but I don't like it."

Anna turned to look at her companion. "Neither do I, but need must – you know what to do. I'll deal with Dean."


	9. 8: HOW YOU BETRAYED ME

**Beta: None. WILL have spelling and grammar mistakes. (Please don't complain as I've just warned you.) **

**Sex: No**

**Swearing: Minimal. **

**Main Title: Afterlife by Avenge Sevenfold.**

**Chapter Title: Touriquet by Evansence**

**I now have a Beta Reader, Don'tCallMeSammy, Your the best. :D with her help there should not be any mistake, if there are, well I apologise on behalf of us both. :D Enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

><p><strong>HOW YOU BETRAYED ME<strong>

Castiel and Mary sat in silence when Dean walked through the back door. Mary lifted red-rimmed eyes to her son, an apology in their depths, but the hunter didn't meet them; his focus was solely on Cas. The angel squirmed at little under the hard stare before getting to his feet.

"Y – You've made your decision."

"I have." He remarked coldly.

Castiel was thrown, his gaze narrowing at the man before him, raking over his stony face and his stiffened spine. His eyes travelled down to Dean's clenched fist and felt his human heart jump at what he saw resting tightly in the hunters grasp, an angel blade, gleaming and deadly.  
>"Dean?" Castiel spoke cautiously, never taking his eyes on the weapon. "What's<br>wrong?"  
>"I made my decision Castiel."<p>

The angel flinched. He could not ever remember Dean using his full name. Something wasn't right. "Dean?" he side stepped away from the table and Mary, Dean's gaze following his movements like a hawk waiting to swoop.

Dean was a human of great skill, but Castiel was a soldier. As Dean circled in preparation so too did Castiel. As Dean braced his feet again the bare wood of the floor, so too did Castiel. Dean had an angel blade, Castiel had merely his strength. He would not hurt Dean. He couldn't hurt Dean.

"Don't do this Dean…" the angel warned.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Mary asked from behind her son, he did not answer her. "Dean!" she called again trying to get his attention but it was to no avail.  
>"If this is about what happened in the car Dean, I am sorry. I should not have hit you." Castiel's heart raced as he prepared himself for a pointless attack. "Dean, you cannot win in a fight against me – you know that – please Dean."<p>

Castiel saw him falter for an instant before he brushed whatever it was aside. The angel knew it was no good trying to reason with the man. There was one thing that was ultimately the same in both Deans. It was that grim, stubborn determination.

"Dean if you want this world, you can have it…" Castiel said, hoping that he could avoid the inevitable fight as long as possible. "…You don't need to try and kill me Dean. If you want this world, if you want me gone, all you have to do is say so and I'll leave."

Dean frowned. "You will?" he sounded confused, taken aback even.

"I have already said so."

"You'd leave this world as it is?"

"If that's what you want Dean. Yes."

"Why?"  
>Castiel tilted his head at the hunter. They had already spoke of this; what hadn't been said and been silently understood. Dean knew what Castiel felt for him, so why was he asking him why he would allow this world to exist?<p>

"You know why." Castiel said, feeling suddenly uneasy.

There was a long silence. The two men still braced for a fight even while the hunter puzzled over the angel's words. Castiel slowly realised that Dean was avoiding eye contact. He looked at him, but never met his gaze directly as they had always done. Something was terribly wrong.  
>Castiel moved his head, trying to draw Dean's gaze to his but the hunter avoided it as if hiding something, hiding the true reason for this reaction.<p>

Mary held her breath as she watched her son and the angel watch each other. Dean's stance told her he was preparing to do battle; she didn't need to see the blade in his hand. She just couldn't understand why. Over an hour and half ago he'd stood in this kitchen shielding that angel from her wrathful anger. Since then she'd noted the way he never took his eyes of him, the gentle ways he said the angel's name. She had sensed the deep connection between them, even when she hadn't wanted to admit it.

Her son cared for this angel, this man, and although it had been a little surprising when she'd seen his fingers hold protectively to the man's wrist while guarding him against her vengeance, she knew it was deep and profound. Which was why this didn't make sense. She heard Castiel mention a fight; she'd heard him apologize for hitting Dean. Was that why her son was preparing himself for battle? Before she could think of another reason for her sons' actions he reacted. She watched open mouthed as he lunged at Castiel with a grace she hadn't seen in him before.

Castiel truly hadn't believed Dean would use the blade, so he hadn't really prepared himself for the attack, which was why the hunter had gotten that first strike past his defenses. The pure blade slicing at Cas' coat, piecing straight through to make contact with the human flesh beneath. His vessel's blood staining the white cotton shirt he wore. He didn't know what had gotten into Dean but he was determined not to let him get in another shot. Only a few hours ago, this man had been lying at the angel side, his warm body pressed so close and a possessive hand holding his waist. Castiel could not understand why he was now trying to kill him. Surely it couldn't be because of their fight in the car. They'd fought before, though Castiel had never raised a finger to Dean, he knew that if he ever did the hunter would not retaliate  
>like this.<p>

Then it occurred to him as he watched Dean cautiously, that this wasn't his Dean, no matter how much alike they looked; no matter how much he acted like his Dean; they weren't completely the same. _This_ Dean had kissed him, this Dean wanted him, this Dean was capable of loving him – which also meant _this_ Dean was capable of hurting him.

And that realization was far more painful than any wound, because he was sure that Dean would chose this world, and he had hoped the hunter would have allowed him to remain close, allow him to be his friend. But this Dean wanted what Castiel could not, in good conscience, give. Not yet. So clearly Dean would rather not have him around at all. Well if this Dean wanted him gone, wanted him dead, that fine. But he was a fool to think Castiel would go without a fight.  
>He was ready now, and when the hunter attacked again, the angel spun to avoid the blade, bring his elbow up to connect with the side of Dean's head, sending him staggering forward into the kitchen counter. Castiel regained his footing and braced himself of Dean's return.<p>

_'Never again, always defend.'_ He'd been taught that lesson early. Attacking could ultimately lead to failure, so he waited patiently for Dean. Hoping beyond hope the man he care so much for, who he'd watched over all his life, would not try again. He was wrong.

Dean recovered quickly and spun around to meet Castiel's burning  
>blue eyes.<p>

That was when it because clear, that was the intent Castiel saw the truth  
>behind those green eyes. That was when the desperate anger towards Dean for<br>betraying him slipped away to be replace with an overpowering, pure fury aimed  
>at his brother.<p>

The name rumbled from his lips as a growl, his feet propelling him forward.  
>"<em>Gabriel<em>."  
>But there was only thin air and silence.<p>

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

The paper wrapper fluttered to the dirt beneath his feet. His gaze was fixed on the black car shinning in the afternoon sunlight. It seemed peaceful in this red-neck abyss. Quiet. Anyone driving by would see nothing more than a salvage yard. They would not care or notice the havoc happening in this small metal maze.

He'd heard the instant the blade connected with the hunter's side; could hear the blood slowly seeping from the fatal wound, drawing the young man's life to a close.

Anna had appeared next to him, slid the steel between his ribs and vanished like a swift breeze, all so quick and painless. At least for her. The only thing spoken was a whispered, "Sorry Dean."

All the while Gabriel held control over the illusion of the hunter. He wasn't fool enough to attack his brother himself, he could easily get killed. So he'd done the most sensible thing, he'd built a double of Dean Winchester and sent it to do his dirty work.

He still wasn't all that sure what he was doing here. Oh yeah, Anna had come to him, told him about the real world - the one she'd stopped and asked for his help. He'd scoffed at first.

He hadn't wanted anything to do with Heaven or Hell, he was happy with his role as a demi-god. Of course the female angel had seized upon that, pointing out that if things went back to the way they were, he was as screwed as the rest of them. Apparently his identity was already known in the other world. It would be better for all of the concerned to stop Castiel from changing things back.

So now here he was using his abilities to kill his brother to save a world that he loved just the way it was; where he could continue to bring the message of humility to the high and mighty – with a dash of humour of course.

Anyone who thought Uriel had been the funniest angel in heaven clearly hadn't been paying attention. He smirked to himself, dropping another sweet wrapper on the ground.

"Why aren't you in there?" Anna snapped, appearing at his side.

"I said I'd help you stop Castiel – I didn't mention anything about dying to do so."

"You're an archangel Gabriel." She reminded him with a cold and slightly crazed look.

"And? He's a soldier."

"You're stronger." She argued.

"I'm also not a fool – I spend my time teaching the arrogance that 'pride comes before a fall'. I'm hardly going to make that mistake myself – he only needs one good thrust and I'm a goner – no thanks to you."

Anna growled. "You have to kill him, Gabriel – Heaven wants things back on track. Castiel is their weapon."

Gabriel frowned at his younger sister. "Why him? Any angel can travel in time, why does it have to be him?"

Anna shifted ever so slightly under the senior angel's questioning stare. "Because, it has to be…" a single look at Gabriel told her that wasn't going to be enough and she sighed, "…because he's from the same reality as I am. He's anchored there, he knows where the timeline split and how."

Gabriel frowned. "That doesn't make a lick of sense – everyone knows that John Winchester was killed and also when he was killed."

"Yes, but do you know how? When? The exact moment? No, because to Heaven, time is different, time is irrelevant. Castiel was there, he was trapped as I was. He knows everything he needs to know about how to fix it."

"So why now? If he knows all of this, why wait till now to fix it?"

Anna looked at the black car with a regretful sigh. "He has his reasons – which are exactly why we need him dead."

But it was too late. "He knows." Gabriel announced, looking at the house in the distance with a stunned expression on his face.

"What?"  
>"Damn it, he figured it out. How the hell did he figure it out?"<p>

"You looked at him didn't you? I told you know to look at him. Damn it Gabriel." Anna shouted.  
>"Hey, mind you tone with me." Gabriel warned coldly, but Anna was too busy staring at the Impala in panic.<p>

The archangel followed her gaze. Castiel was ripping the door of its hinges. His face was contorted in pain as he yelled Dean's name. They watched as he pulled the limp and bleeding body from the front seat.

Angel's didn't cry, they weren't capable, everyone knew that. Gabriel knew that. So he was at a loss to explain the gleaming trail that slid down Castiel's tortured face. He could hear the angels anguished sobs as he held the dying man close. He felt the heartbreak as if it were his own.

Angel's didn't cry… unless they lost their faith.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Castiel pulled the bleeding man out into the bright sunlight. He could hear the man's heart fighting to keep beating as well as smell, see and hear the blood seeping from the wound in his side. His knees buckled and the two men hit the dirt.

Cas looked down into the dying man's eyes and pressed his hand to his side, allowing the warm blood to wash over his palm. He fixed his gaze to Dean's, willing him to focus, to stay. He didn't speak; he simply reached out with his grace. Dean Winchester was not going to die. He would not allow it.

He waited, watching, pressing his grace into the man who was fighting to stay alive. His grace had long ago been bound to the soul of Dean Winchester. It had pulled him out of hell, healed his broken soul, given him a faith he'd lacked, helped him find strength and forgiveness.

Even in this other different world where those important moments had never occurred, they were still bound together. There was a need in the angel's grace and the human's soul that had allowed that bond to cross the divide of changed fate. It had kept Castiel tethered to a hunter that hated his kind. It had given Dean memories and feelings that should not have existed. They were two halves, whether it was in this reality or another; whether it was on earth or in heaven; Dean Winchester and Castiel were forever bound.

The angel stared into the water-filled hazel with an anguish he'd never  
>experience before. He watched in silent fury as the light dimmed in the younger man's gaze. "Dean." he whispered, he pleaded. "Dean!"<p>

The hunter tried to speak, but it was hard. The pain was fading but his lung was little more than the reminisce of an exploded balloon. His heart was failing him, a cold sensation was creeping over his body. But even as he tried to fight it, he knew this was it, the end.

It wasn't the pain from the wound that cause the tears to slide from his eyes, it wasn't even the knowledge that a beautiful brunette Reaper was hovering ever so close. It was that those blue eyes that had always called to him from his dreams, which were impossibly bright and pure, were fading. He saw a shadow that was all too familiar spread over them. He'd seen that shadow in his mother's eyes all his life. Its name he knew - vengeance.

He tried to speak again, gasping for breath. He needed to tell Cas his decision. He needed him to know that he would have been willing to sacrifice this world for him. The angel leaned forward and a tear fell from his lashes to settle on Dean's cheek. He couldn't speak, he had no air in his lungs to form the words, but he needed the angel to know. Castiel had to know. It took all of the hunters remaining strength to lift his hand, to settle it against the angels' neck, to pull him close.

It wasn't passion. It wasn't lust. It was worse than that. It was goodbye. It was forgive me. It was I love you.

Castiel pulled away shaking. Physically shaking. His gaze snapped up to stared furiously at the Reaper before him. "Leave him." he demanded.

"I can't, Castiel." she whispered.

"I'm an angel of the lord and I demand that you leave him!"

She hung her dark head, sighing. "I have my orders. They will not allow this miracle Castiel."  
>The angel stared at her with a wrath previously unseen in those innocent blue eyes. His face glistened in the sunlight. "Who's order?" he really didn't need to ask, he already knew, but he wanted the name.<p>

"Raphael." she breathed.

There was a long silence. Castiel looked down at Dean's pale face; he was continuing to fight, to stay with him. "How long?" He whispered.

"Soon - he is fighting it." The Reaper stepped forward and placed a hand of the hunters shoulder. "Tell him to stop fighting."

"No."

She met his gaze. "Castiel… this is causing too much pain; for him and for you. Let him go."

Dim blue met dim green. Both men fought for breath. Castiel knew the Reaper was right, he knew Dean was holding on too tight to this life, but he wasn't sure he could let go. Dean was everything to him. He'd given up so much for the hunter. Of course this wasn't the Dean that had made him choose between heaven and humanity, between right and wrong, between family and friendship.

This was not his Dean - but he was the Dean that had offered him everything. Leaning forward once again, he pressed his forehead to the dying hunter's own and spoke softly, "Dean…" his throat tightened and he tried to swallow back the tears. He had never felt this pain; he'd never truly mourned the passing of a mortal life before because he knew they were going to a better place. But this was different, this was Dean.

"Dean, you have to let go – g-go with her D-Dean…." The words were catching in his throat. "…Y-you w-will be in a better p-place and I will see you again soon. I promise." _As soon as I've killed Gabriel._ He added silently.

Dean's eyes were fighting to stay open; he was still fighting to stay alive. He was fighting to speak. "A-A-Anna…." Dean gasped, struggling against the pain. "F-f-fix I-it, Ca-Cas."

Castiel felt the words brush his damp cheek; he heard the gentle wheeze of them and his heart broken and froze in the same instant. "Fix what?" he choked.

The Reaper sighed, that was all she could do. Finally getting to her feet she pulled Dean's soul with her. "I'm sorry Castiel."

Dean's spirit looked at her with confusion before turning to his empty meat-suit and the weeping angel leaning over it. "Cas?"

The angels pained eyes lifted to look at Dean, his face filled with emotion. Dean's breath caught, he'd never seen so much feeling in the angel before, in this reality or the other. "Cas? Can you see me?"

Castiel swallowed hard, he didn't move, he cradled the hunters head in his lap. "Yes, Dean."  
>Dean sighed and dropped down in front of the angel, glancing briefly over his shoulder at the Reaper, then to the house where he watched his mother and Bobby emerge and start running. His gut tightened and his heart clenched painfully. He was losing everyone in a single moment. But then wasn't that the plan. He'd made his decision before Death came calling, the only difference now was that Cas could not argue, which Dean was sure he would have. They would have spent years arguing over whether it was Dean's sacrifice or Cas's. Now at least Dean won. Because Cas had no choice but to change things back, it was the only way he'd survive.<p>

"Cas, it was her, Anna. She did that whole angel mojo vanishing thing… popped in, stabbed me, then poof, gone."

Castiel's gaze turned to stone, the vengeance aimed at a different target. _Anna?_ He should have known she would try something.

"Though I can't understand why? She's had plenty of chances to kill me over the past thirty years, why now?"

"Fear – she knew we had reconnected. She figured that I would go back and change things – Anna knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't do it without your consent." His tone was harsh and rough from the lump wedged in his throat. "She never understood that I had no intention of changing things Dean – not unless you truly wanted me to."

"I do." Dean said softly and smiled when the angel looked at him.

"What?"  
>"I was going to choose your world, Cas - I couldn't be happy here, with or without you, knowing that you weren't. If I chose this world, I'd have mom and the happy memories of Sam, I'd be happy, but you wouldn't be. Even if you gave in to that obvious crush you have on me…" Dean smirked and winked. "You wouldn't truly be happy here, because I'm not <em>your<em> Dean."

"You're Dean, one way or another." Castiel whispered, though he knew the hunter was speaking the truth.

"Yeah, except I'm not a jerk and he's not open enough to be honest with himself, let alone you – but I am, and honestly Cas, you've always been there for me. I know that now. I didn't before, I thought it was my dad watching over me, but it was you. You could have fixed this years ago, but you didn't. You sacrificed your world, your Dean, for my happiness. Well now it's time to return the favour, and luckily that bitch of an angel has taken matters out of our hands… cause if you don't put things right Cas… I'm dead. – So I guess you're gonna have to find a Delorian and take a trip back in time." Dean was laughing. He was dead and laughing.

Castiel sighed, miserable. "I still do not understand that reference Dean."

Dean's hand brushed absently as the angels' rough cheek. "I know… you'd think spending thirty years trapped here, you'd go to the movies or something. I mean jeez Cas, how many times have I used a reference you didn't get. I thought the reason you and Sam got on so well was because you both had that research thing down." His laugh was light, but not convincing, even to his own ears.

"I was a little busy watching you arse, Dean."

Now the hunter really laughed, adding an oh-yeah nod and a wink. "I bet you were."  
>Castiel sent him a narrowed glare.<p>

They were both aware of the woman dropping to the angels' side. "Tell her I love her and I'm sorry." Dean said, fighting the tightness in his throat. Who knew ghosts could feel pain? Well he did, naturally. If they didn't feel pain then his job would be impossible. "And fix this Cas. Go home… to me… be as happy as you can with that thick headed jerk…" He shook his head. "I can't understand what you see in him, you know."

"It's simple; he always puts others before himself." Castiel said with a meaningful look at Dean. "He's the strongest person I've ever met and his soul is mine."

Dean smiled, really smile. "Oh yeah, yours huh? Well, I guess I can't possible complain about that." he pressed a soft kiss to the angels lips for the briefest of moments before the Reapers hand fell on his shoulder.

"We have to go."

Dean nodded pulling away. "Fix it Cas." It was an order not a request and the angel gave a sharp nod. "See you in another life, you feathery little nerd."

Dean winked and then was gone.


	10. 9: I TRIED TO KILL THE PAIN

**Beta: None. WILL have spelling and grammar mistakes. (Please don't complain as I've just warned you.) **

**Sex: No**

**Swearing: Minimal. **

**Main Title: Afterlife by Avenge Sevenfold.**

**Chapter Title: Touriquet by Evansence**

**As usual, I would like to say thanks to my Beta Reader, Don'tCallMeSammy, Your the best. :D with her help there should not be any mistake, if there are, well I apologise on behalf of us both. :D Enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

><p><strong>I TRIED TO KILL THE PAIN, BUT ONLY BROUGHT MORE<strong>

Gabriel watched, dumbfounded, from the shadows at the scene; his mouth hanging open. He hadn't thought it possible - he'd known angels could desire humans, he'd still been in heaven at the time of the fallen; but what he witnessed now wasn't lust or desire, it was love and not the chick-flick sappy kind humans seemed to adore so much - it was the pure twin-soul kind, which was so rarely found on earth any longer. In fact he hadn't seen it in centuries. He had never seen that bond form between soul and grace. It was… unheard of.

He turned his confused gaze on Anna and noticed the glistening of tears on her lashes but there was no regret in her features. A cold shiver rushed down the archangels spine, the uneasy feeling that he'd been played. Gabriel didn't appreciate being the one to be tricked; it didn't sit right at all. "Anna?" his tone was harsh and threatening. "What is this? What have we done?"

The copper haired angel straightened her spine in defiance, a clear show of bravado. "Saved the world."

Gabriel's eyes shot back to Castiel and the spirit of Dean Winchester. He watched the pain flicker across his brothers' face as he spoke in an agonized but gentle voice. _'I had no intention of changing things Dean – not unless you truly wanted me to.'_

The archangels gut clenched, his grace sparked with anger - at Anna, at himself. He'd helped her kill a man - almost killing his own brother in the process - for nothing. Castiel was never going to change this world. He simply wanted to be with the hunter. Gabriel could feel the truth of his brothers' feelings as he reached out with his grace and touched the others.

His eyes shot around to Anna but she was gone. He'd sensed her fear and knew why, as much as he could feel Castiel's love, he could feel his hate, his anger and his need for vengeance. It was no wonder Anna had wanted him dead too. Because Gabriel knew there was nothing more furious than an angel's wrath.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

The air smelt of roasting flesh. The rancid smell clawed at their throats. The gold and orange of the flames danced against the early evening light, blending with the sky above them; a thick black smoke tainting what many in the world outside Singers Auto Salvage would see as a beautiful sunset. But to those gathered around the funeral pyre it was the last sunset any would see, and it was far from beautiful.

Castiel stared blindly into the flickering flames, his dimmed blue eyes glistening with unshed tears in the light of the fire that was slowly eating away at the empty shell of Dean Winchester.

His human heart was pounding against the lining of his throat. He'd never expected to lose the hunter. Not in this world. Anna's interference would have the opposite effect than what she'd planned, because now Castiel had every intention of putting things right.

"This is your fault." An angry female voice said harshly from the angel's side, but Castiel ignored it. His pain was too great to care or sympathize with the mourning mother, though he knew she was right.

If only he had stayed away. If only he had served heaven and left Dean to live his life, the hunter would be happy now. But his own needs had tainted his actions. He had needed to be with the hunter, be close to him. He had placed him in this danger. Anna and Gabriel were not the only angels responsible for the death of Dean Winchester.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

"Angels!" Mary spat furiously. "First you kill my husband, now my son."

"Mary, he had nothing to do with this." Bobby said trying to calm the woman.

"Didn't he? He brought this to our door. There was no need for any of us to know about this other world! We were happy. Dean was happy."

"That's not true." Bobby snapped. "Dean has not been happy."

Mary's angry eyes turned on her old friend.

"Face it Mary, you turned that boy into a warrior before he was even older enough to know what a warrior was. You had him hunting monsters when he should have been playing cowboys and Indians. You have him hating angels when he should have been going to bed dream they were watching over him. Jesus Mary, how could he be happy when you weren't – your need for vengeance was all you cared about and Dean knew it."

Mary stood physically shaken by her old friend's words, unable to believe he was say anything so hurtful and at such a time. But Bobby wasn't finished.

"I've only seen that boy smile a handful of times in his live and I'd lay  
>money that he…" Bobby pointed to Castiel. "…was responsible for all of them."<p>

Mary looked at the motionless angel with disbelief.

"That's impossible; he's only been here a few hours."

Bobby rolled his eyes and stared at the woman, wondering if she was an Idjit or merely playing one on TV. "Don't you remember Dean used to tell us about his imaginary friend?"

Mary's mouth fell open. Cas flinched ever so slightly.

"You?" She breathed.

The angels nod was barely visible but it was enough to answer the grieving mother's question.

Mary stared open mouthed at the man who had brought so much pain and happiness  
>into her dead son's life. He had been two years old when he'd mentioned his friend, the angel. Of course Mary hadn't known then that it had been an angel that had killed her husband, and so she hadn't disillusioned the boys. Not until his fifth birthday and he'd come to tell her that the angel had given him a rainbow for his birthday. It was three days after her meeting with the demon, and she was still angry and hurt.<p>

She had snapped that angels weren't friends - they were enemies just like any other supernatural creature, and that this so-called angel friend of his was just in his imagination and he was too old for imaginary friends. It was time for him to grow up.

And he had. The angel had never been mentioned again and had seemed to completely vanish alone with her son's childhood and happiness. And Mary Winchester had been too wrapped up in her hate to see what she'd done to her son.

She stepped closer to Castiel, her eyes never leaving his face. "Y-you… you always watched over him didn't you?"

Cas couldn't speak, so he once again nodded.

"Why?"

The angels' eyes and throat burned with unshed tears, his ears rang with the sound of Mary's question. What could he say that would explain the bond the angel shared with the hunter? The man who was willing to give up everything he had ever wanted for an angel he barely remembered. Then he knew what to say. There was only one word that would answer that impossible question.

He swallowed hard at the rawness of his throat and forced air into his lungs before trying to speak.

"Beca… Because I love him." It was as simple as that.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

The words were lightly spoken but the wind carried them through the air in seemingly every direction. In the gathering darkness of the metal maze two angels heard those words and quilt swiftly followed.

For one they meant that he was not alone in his love and pride of humanity. He'd made a mistake trusting a sister that he barely knew past her name. They meant that although he was a messenger and a trickster and an archangel, he was no better than his brothers who put their desire for paradise over the world their father loved.

For the other they meant that she had made a critical error that would no doubt be her undoing. Of course, for her, the error was not killing the hunter, but not killing the angel in his stead. Castiel was the threat, not Dean. If any should have died that night it should have been him.

They both knew what would come of their mistakes and when Castiel turned away from the pyre they could see the ice in his gaze and feel the determined fury spark in his grace.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Cas was staring up at the sky, his mind working over what to do now. Anna was his first port of call. She had to pay for killing Dean, even if changing history would make it redundant, he wanted at least the satisfaction of destroying her grace.

Then there was Gabriel, he had to pay too. If he hadn't been distracting him, Cas would have sensed Anna's presses, sensed the danger to Dean and been able to stop him.

"I didn't know." Announced a familiar voice from behind Castiel.

He turned swiftly to meet the amber gaze of the archangel who was currently hiding behind a pagan name. "Gabriel." Castiel growled, his angel blade sliding into his hand, murder in his eyes.

Gabriel's hands flew up in self-defence. "Woo bro' – calm it – I said I didn't know."

Castiel took a step forward, Gabriel one back. "Come on, Castiel. – At least let me explain."

"There is nothing to explain Gabriel. You helped Anna kill Dean."

"Well yeah…" he glanced regretfully at the pile of ash some distance away.

"But I swear I didn't know about the… you know." Gabriel met the younger angels gaze again. "…the love thing." He saw Castiel physically flinch at his words and his brows knitted together.

"Whether you understood your actions, or not, Gabriel, is of no importance." The angel's voice was harsh, tear-raw and filled with vengeance; which made Gabriel suddenly very concerned for his own welfare.

"Listen bro…" he breathed, taking another step back. "I screwed up ok, isn't the first time and probably won't be the last – she told me that you wanted to change things back to how they should be, that you wanted to see daddy dearest grand plan back on track, well what was I supposed to do - stand back and let you do it? I don't think so buddy. I happen to like my life and this planet, and I don't want Mickey and Lucy shitting all over it."

Castiel lifted his chin, his jaw still clench tight with fury, but a small part of him softened. Something in Gabriel's eyes reminded him of Sam and Dean; their determination that this was their world and they weren't giving it up without a fight.

"I was not going to return this world to the brink of destruction Gabriel – Dean was happy here."

"Yeah, well... I didn't know that an hour ago, now did I?" he said with a hint of sarcasm.

"But you're going to now, aren't you?"

Castiel nodded and stared at the archangel, waiting for his attack.

Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck. "Guess we kind of deserve it - I guess the jokes on me this time." There was no amusement in his voice. "Ironic right, I help kill your boyfriend to stop you from changing the world, only for that to be the reason you do." He chucked emotionally to himself. "I always hated irony." "Dean was not my boyfriend." Castiel said matter-of-factly.

"Oh?" Gabriel smirked, his eyes lighting up. "Could have fooled the hell out of me bro." he winked.

Castiel turned the subject away from his relationship with the now dead hunter. "Where's Anna?"

Gabriel hung his head and shrugged. "Wish I knew, bro, but she took off after that reaper took your… took Dean."

"And you have no idea where she's gone?"

"Nope, she always found me."

Castiel stared at him with a silent warning that if he didn't start to be helpful, he would feel the sharp end of an angel blade.

"Why bother with Anna, just go fix this. Once time is reset she won't exist."

"For two reasons Gabriel. Firstly I know Anna; she'll follow me back and try to stop me again. Secondly, I want her head." The last reason was given with an uncharacteristic growl that sent a shiver through the archangel's grace.

Gabriel sighed and thrust his hands in his pockets. "I…" was he really going to do this? Sadly beneath that smart-ass, trickster, demi-god ego of his, there was still a noble archangel with a deep sense of right and wrong. What he'd helped Anna do was wrong, now he'd have to help Castiel put things right. "I might be able to find her, if I tap back into to heaven…" his amber eyes met the younger angel's with amusement. "Of course, you know that once I do that I'll have the host-patrol on my arse but hey, what do you care right?"

Castiel met his brothers laughing gaze and refused to feel sorry for him. He only had himself to blame for all of this.

"She's been hiding herself with Enochian but I think I can get around that, after all that shit only works on angels, and I have friends in high places – With their help and my juiced up grace, we'll find her – then you can have your platter princess."

The two angels watched each other for a moment and Castiel couldn't fight it any longer, couldn't hold on to that anger. "Thank you Gabriel."

The archangel scoffed. "Whatever – you go and destroy the world kiddo."

Castiel took a step toward his older brother, who flicked ever-so-slightly as he raised his hand and placed it on his shoulder. "They will not consent Gabriel, you do not know Dean and his brother Sam, they will fight till the last, I have faith in that." Gabriel raised a brow. "That guy must be a hell of a kisser." He smirked and was gone before Castiel could rebuke him for the comment.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

"What are you going to do now?" Mary asked suddenly from Castiel's side. The angel turned and looked down at the woman who only minutes ago hated him.

"I will do what Dean asked and fix this."

"You mean change history, so that John never died but I did."

Castiel didn't look away; he met those red rimmed blue eyes. "Yes."

Mary sighed and walked over to sit on a large oil barrel. "You know Dean was right, if I had known then what Azazel's deal meant, I probably would still have accepted it." She hated herself for thinking it, but she knew it was true. "John was my life; the idea of losing him destroyed me - I hadn't cared about what it would mean for the future."

Castiel stood at the woman's side. "I understand." He said matter-of-factly. Mary raised her eyes to him. "Yeah, you do don't you?" She sniffled. "I guess it's only fair that things are put right…" she swallowed hard. "I – I just wish I would be there to watch them grow up, to protect them." Tears started to fall. "I wish I could tell them I loved them."

"You have." Castiel said gently.

Mary wasn't sure she wanted to know how; Castiel didn't give her a chance to.

"As for watching over Dean, I can promise you he was watched over."

Mary met the still glistening gaze of the angel. "You have always watched over Dean, haven't you?"

Castiel gave a brief nod. "In this reality and the other, since before he was even born I watched over him."

Mary smiled sadly. "I should have told him that."

Their moment of bonding was interrupted but the sound of wings and the smell of honey. Mary jumped off the barrel and pulled the angel blade from her waist band, leaping without thought in front of Castiel.

Gabriel snorted at the protective stance. "Mother-in-law already fighting your battles." He joked.

"Gabriel." Castiel warned, placing a hand on Mary's shoulder in a silent acknowledgement to stand down.

Gabriel just laughed at the woman, who continued to glare at him with the same murderous look Castiel had given him a short while ago. "I've got her. But we'll have to move quickly; she's not going to stay in the same place for long, and she knows you're looking for her."

Castiel nodded and turned to Mary. "I must go."

"Go where?"

"Anna."  
>"I'm coming." Mary stated, leaving no room for argument.<p>

"No! Dean would never forgive me if anything happened to you."

Mary snorted. "Once you fix it, I won't even exist, I want that bitch."

Castiel shook his head. "There is no guarantee that I will succeed, Anna may kill me, which would mean this world will stay as it is. I will not risk your life."

The angel and the hunter stared challengingly at each other, until finally Mary surrendered. Giving a brief nod, the woman sighed. "Kill that bitch for me, alright?" Without thinking she rested her hand on the angel's cheek and smiled. "Dean is lucky to have you, even if you are an angel." Then she kissed his cheek and whispered, "Good luck."

The moment was broken, of course, by Gabriel's snorting laugh and comment about Castiel being the only person in the world who got along with his mother-in-law.

"Let's go." Castiel snapped, ignoring said comment.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

The warehouse was practically buzzing; Castiel and Gabriel could feel it before they even landed in front of it. It was covered in Enochian shrouding sigils, very much like Castiel's house; it was no wonder heaven had been unable to find Anna. Within these walls Anna - or any other angel - was invisible; as if they never existed. Luckily for them, its only shrouded angel's from other angel's, not from other higher beings.

The angel's heart tightened; he should have thought to protect Bobby's house. If he had, Anna and Gabriel would never have been able to get to Dean. He swallowed hard at the intense grief that was still wallowing over him.

_Would it ever fade?_

"Afraid not, Bro." Gabriel answered the unasked question. "That kind of grief's permanent."  
>Castiel's head shot round to stare at his brother, his head hilted ever so slightly. "And how do you know?"<p>

Gabriel smiled sadly. "I've been on earth a long time, kiddo. I've seen a lot of people come and go in that time, sure I've never loved them…" He paused, an uncharacteristic, sympatric look on his face. "… but I mourned a few. And I've seen how some humans mourn the ones they love…" he seemed to stare off into space for a moment. "… there was this woman, back in the nineteenth century, her husband was a right bastard - he made scrooge look like a saint. Well I thought he needed punishing after the cruel treatment of his wife…."

"He died." Castiel interrupted matter-of-factly.

"Don't they all…" Gabriel shrugged. "Course that was the point… turns out the wife loved him more than she should have. She never got over his death, never remarried… In fact she went and became a nun – never understood it…" he looked up at his little brother. "…until today."

"Is that supposed to reassure me Gabriel?"

"No, it's supposed to answer your question." Gabriel heaved a heavy sigh and pulled a candy bar out of his shirt, though he didn't eat it. For the first time in a long time, he didn't fancy something sweet, so he simply stared down at it. "You sure you want to do this?"

"I have to."

Another resigned sigh. "Alright, we may as well get this over with."

Castiel's gaze locked on his brothers. "I will do this alone, Gabriel."

"Like hell, kiddo." Gabriel snapped. "The girl's wacko, you didn't see her face when she…" He trailed off. "I know just what Anna is like, Gabriel. I will face her alone. This is my fight – I may never forgive you for aiding her Gabriel…" Castiel said. "…But I will thank you for aiding me in an attempt at redemption."

"Huh…" the archangel swallowed. _Redemption? Was that what this was?_

"…whatever kiddo." He forced an uncaring smirk on his face, though his eyes were shining. He unwrapped the candy bar he didn't really want and took a huge bite out of it. "Go get her tiger." He concluded with a mouthful of chocolate.

Castiel stared at him for a second, unconvinced by his show of bravado. It reminded him so much of Dean that he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He inclined his head; Gabriel feigned a smile then vanished.

Castiel turned to face the building. "_Anna_!" he yelled so loud that the windows a state away rattled.


	11. 10: RETURN TO ME SALVATION

**Beta: As usual, I would like to say thanks to my Beta, Don'tCallMeSammy, Your the best. :D with her help there should not be any mistake, if there are, well I apologise on behalf of us both. :D Enjoy the chapter.**

**Sex: No**

**Swearing: Minimal. **

**Main Title: Afterlife by Avenge Sevenfold.**

**Chapter Title: Touriquet by Evansence**

* * *

><p><strong>RETURN TO ME SALVATION<strong>

"Cas."  
>"Don't call me that."<p>

Anna heaved a heavy sigh at the ice in her brother's voice; she understood it but she would not feel bad about what she'd done. It had been necessary to keep the world turning.

Castiel remained silent, his flesh frozen with grief and his heart shattered to a million pieces. Gabriel was right, there would be no getting over Dean's death, even with the knowledge he was in a better, happier place. Even with the knowledge he wouldn't have to be because when he was finished with Anna, he was going back to make sure none of this had ever happened. Though thinking about it, the pain was almost too much to bear.

There was no guilt in Anna's gaze. There was no regret tainting her grace. She was the heavenly soldier again. She had fallen from heaven because she'd wanted to be human, to feel. Where has those feeling gone; where has that compassion and love gone? Castiel thought while he watched her.

Anna would probably say she still held it, that it was her compassion and love for humanity that had brought her to this moment. Many would say that it was because of what she'd gone through at the hands of Zachariah and the other angels while in prison, but that would be merely an excuse. Castiel had experienced just what Heaven can do to an angel's vessel and grace, how it could break an angel's spirit and love, how it could force them to betray that which they loved, but they hadn't destroyed his compassion or his love.

They hadn't been able to take away everything Dean had given him, and in the end that had been enough to save them both.

Maybe if Anna had had someone to have faith in her, for her to have faith in, she would not be here. Maybe if he hadn't betrayed her in the first place. Anna may not feel guilt or regret, but Castiel did.

"I can't let you change things back Castiel – you have to see that this is the best thing for all of us."

Cass lips grew pale as he pressed them together trying to hold back his heartbreak and fury all at once.

"He gave me no choice, Cas…." The dark hair angel glared and Anna sighed once more. "…Castiel, this world is safe. Lucifer is still in his cage with no way of getting free. The angels are locked silently behind heaven's gate feeling nothing. This is how it should have been."

Silence.

"… I know you hate me Castiel, but Dean was going to let you change things back to the way they were. He wanted you happy regardless of what it meant for the rest of the world. You think me heartless…" she was growing angry as she continued. "… but giving up this world and the lives of so many for the love of one person - that is heartless Castiel." Anna realized, too late, that she had said the wrong thing when she saw the gleam of pure silver slide into her brothers' palm.

She hung her head, resigned to the prospect of a fight. Her own blade fell into her grip. "I'm a stronger and a better fighter than you Castiel. I always have been."

Silence.

Anna waited for Castiel to move, waiting for the inevitable circling that came with hand to hand combat, but Castiel didn't move; he just watched Anna with an emptiness no angel should see or feel. Anna moved first, her nervousness making her break the first rule. _'Never attack'. _Something wasn't right; she felt it in her grace. She had been expecting this confrontation, she had known Castiel would come for her, but she had expected fury and wrath, not this calm.

The reason for the calm became evident when Anna's spine tingled; she turned just in time to see a second Castiel appear behind her, his angel blade raised ready to destroy her grace from behind.

_Gabriel_. She cursed silently.

The illusion she had been talking too was forgotten as she sprung forward, blade in hand, swinging. Castiel dodged left and right as Anna swung, her blade missing his flesh by inches. A fist collided with his jaw. A fist collided with her jaw. Blade rang against blade. Blood finally stained its purity when Castiel's sliced into Anna's left arm. She glowered at him, her own fury shining through her grace. She truly was the experienced soldier once again as she took a deep breath, ignoring the seeping blood, her grace crackling with such violence that it would be felt by all of heaven.

But Anna didn't care if her brothers and sisters knew where she was. She did not care if she would face their punishment again; all she cared about was Castiel and stopping him from altering what she had risked everything to change. If that meant she would have to destroy him, then so be it. Castiel was no longer her brother or her friend; he was her enemy.

The blade swirled in the copper-haired angels palm as she attacked again, aiming straight for Castiel's heart.

The grace burst, pure white light blasted outward like a nuclear explosion. Glass shattered and scattered across the earth that surrounded the warehouse. The walls shook with ferocity around them and there was a scream so unearthly it created an unnerving silence in its wake.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Castiel stared down at the burnt reminisce of Anna's grace. He'd been surprised when the illusion of himself had appeared behind her, and was even more surprised that she'd fallen for it. It hadn't been a part of his plan and he wasn't sure if he was angry or glad for its appearance. He hadn't wanted to use trickery or disseat, he'd wanted to take out all his hate and anger on his onetime friends and sister.

"She would have killed you, Castiel." Gabriel's voice echoed the silence as he appeared beside the grieving angel.

"You don't know that – I didn't need your interference."

"You didn't _want_ it; you and I both know you needed it." Gabriel said with a hint of righteous anger. "I was partly responsible for what happened to your boyfriend…"

"He wasn't my boyfriend Gabriel!" Cas snapped.

Gabriel waved a dismissive hand. "Whatever, the point is I help her and almost killed you, the least I could have done was make sure she didn't kill you in return." he placed a sucker in his mouth and smiled sadly down at the dead angel.

After a long silence Castiel sigh. "Thank you."

"Whatever. So I guess you'll be going back there now."

Castiel nodded.

"Going to set things right?" Gabriel groaned, knowing what that would mean for him and the world. "You sure you want to do that Cas? I mean, it's not like you can't be with Dean, that's the great thing about being an angel, you can go anywhere!"

Castiel shook his head. "I have to. Dean isn't supposed to be dead, it isn't his fate."

"No, his fate is to say yes to big brother and possibly die or ware out like a cheap suit."

"Dean won't say yes."

Gabriel scoffed in disbelieve. "Yeah."

"He won't Gabriel – you don't know Dean; he's stronger than he knows. He will fight till the end, even if it kills him."

Gabriel watched his younger brother's angel face glow with a faith that he'd thought dead, and knew there was no reasoning with him. "Fine." He sighed. "When you going?"

Castiel knelt down beside Anna's fallen body and whispered in her ear. "I'm sorry sister." And he was sorry. His betrayal had led them here as much as her's had. Standing again he turned to look Gabriel in the eye. "Now."

The archangel pulled the sucker out of his mouth and threw it away. "You realize the moment you save John Winchester you won't exist?"

"I do."

Gabriel nodded thoughtfully. "Want company?"

"No."  
>The archangel-turned-trickster shoved his hands in his jean pockets and hung his head remorsefully. "I hope this doesn't back fire on you Cas."<p>

The slightly taller angel tilted his head in confusion and Gabriel smiled.

"I hope this guy lives up to your expectations of him and that he appreciates what you're doing for him."

"He will not know any of this has happened Gabriel, any more than I will."

Gabriel shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Still, I'm sure this isn't the only time you're turned the world upside down for Dean Winchester - and it probably won't be the last. I hate to say it little brother…" He said with great sincerity, "…but you're definitely back on my Christmas list. You're my kind of angel, bro."

Castiel recognized Gabriel words for what they were, a peace offering, a hand of friendship and a brotherly bond that Cas hadn't felt before.

"Thank you brother. I will see you in thirty years Gabriel…." Then he smiled - actually smiled. "… though when we do meet again, I would appreciate you not throwing me around your television reality."

That got Gabriel interest. _Television reality? Sounds cool!_ He thought. He would have asked Cas more but the angel was already gone.

He had already gone back to the point in time that would lead to the end of the world. Cas had faith in Dean Winchester, Gabriel had faith in no-one, and for the first time in a millennia… it hurt.

**~SUPERNATURAL: AFTERLIFE~**

Castiel landed dazed and somewhat confused outside the Prairie Count Motel in 1978.

Scrabbling to his feet he took in his soundings. He wasn't surprised he'd made it. Obviously heaven wanted this as much as he did.

Staring up at the sky he questioned whether this was the right decision. Gabriel had a point about sacrificing the world for his love. Cas didn't need to be told it was selfish, wrong even. Maybe he should leave things as they were. Sure, Dean would be dead, but that merely meant he would spend the rest of eternity in heaven, and Castiel could be with him there.

But what about Sam, he would never exist. Of course never existing was better than dying bloody or being possessed by a fallen archangel and being forced to commit unspeakable acts.

Despite what Sam and Dean had believed, Cas knew that Sam would say yes, for whatever reason the words would be drawn from the young hunters' throat, but Dean wouldn't. So he would have to watch as Lucifer took his brother and turned the world into a living hell for all humanity while Dean fought to stay one step ahead of the chaos.

Dean had told him about the future he's seen. He'd insisted that he'd never allow it to happen. There was no way his brother was going to say yes. But Castiel knew, deep down in what passed as a soul, that that word would come, that that word would be spoken, despite his hopes, despite his reassurances to Dean and Sam, despite his heartfelt words to Anna the night this had all begun. He knew.

Castiel hung his head. He had a chance at preventing that now. He could just leave it to play out as Anna wanted. He could maybe even save Dean and let him be happy. If he allowed Anna to kill John and then kill Anna before Mary arrived, she would never begin hunting angels. Dean would grow up as a normal boy with a grieving, but loving, mother and if he stayed away from Dean, if he stayed in heaven, they would never meet and Dean would never suspect. He would have the memories but they would be just strange dreams. Dean would live his life to the full.

Castiel heart raced at the thought. It would all be so easy to do, to save Dean and the world. It wouldn't even truly be a sacrifice, not for him. He could watch Dean from heaven and wait for the day he found his way there.

He glanced around him at humanity, all the people whose lives lay in the balance, all their future children and grandchild who would have to live through the chaos of the end of days. How many would be saved? John and Sam Winchester's lives for all of these people. Castiel knew given the choice the men would agree.

Many would call it a crisis of faith, or maybe one of conscience, but to Castiel it was just a decision that needed to be made, a matter of life or death that lay in the hands of a soldier.

He arrived at the garage first. It was silent and he waited in the shadows, watching the owner go about his routine. Anna would arrive soon, she would kill this man. Castiel had researched what had happened this night, better to know how to stop Anna and restore his world. At least that had been the plan.

Anna had arrived soon after Castiel. Thankfully she was still suffering from the effects of the trip; she was weak and disorientated, which meant she didn't sense the other angel's presence.

Castiel watched painfully as she burned out the eyes of the garage owner before lifting the phone to call John Winchester to his death. He heard her fake the man's voice and play on the John's insecurities concerning his job. Soon the man would arrive to meet his fate.

John arrived fifteen minutes later, his voice echoing around the empty silent garage. He called the owners name and Castiel could sense his growing uneasy. The man may not have been born a hunter like Mary but he certainly had the right instincts.

He finally saw the body of his employer lying motionless next one of the cars. Castiel watched the shock and horror flood John's face as he stepped cautiously away from the body, turning to see Anna stood behind him, her face determined.

Castiel knew this was it, the turning point in fate, the moment where the future of humanity lay in the balance.

John dies now, Dean lives, the world lives.

Castiel watched as the body flew through the air. His head pounding at the knowledge these were John Winchesters final moments, from this instant Sam would never exist, Dean would live a life without either his father or his brother, without hate or pain. He would find happiness yet continue to be haunted by a life he would never know.

The male body cut through the air like a knife. Castiel's eyes widened as it approached its target. Anna watched with a sad hope in her eyes, a hope that this single act of murder would be enough to save all of humanity.

Castiel shared that hope. Humanity was important, to him, to god…. to the Winchesters. Sure, many would die because Sam and Dean were not there to save them, but Lucifer and Michael would never be able to take them over. The brothers would not have to suffer the pain they'd been through all their lives, losing those closest to them, friends and lovers.

He was going to let this happen. He'd made up his mind. As much as it hurt him to do so, as much as he would lose, he was going to give Dean Winchester a normal happy life without the threat of Michael and the apocalypse.

The body fell faster and faster though to Castiel it felt like it was slowing, giving his mind time to think, to reason, allowing memories to seep through to the front of his consciousness.

_ The beautiful room._

_Dean standing before him, pain and anger etched into his face, his hazel eyes pleading beneath the fury, fighting to capture his gaze. _

_"You can take your peace and shove it up your lily white ass, cause I'll take the pain and the guilt, I'll even take Sam as is, it's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise."_

_Castiel turns away, unsure of himself, of his role, unsure what to do. _

"_This is simple Cas, no more crap about being a good soldier, there is a right and there is a wrong here and you know it."_

_A heavy demanding hand on his shoulder, forcefully turning him._

"_Look at me…. you know it!"_

_Hazel eyes burn into his, pleading, praying that the angel will listen to him. Reaching out for the faith he'd already placed in Castiel._

The body hit the floor, the sound of the neck snapping rang in Castiel's ears.

'_I'll take the pain and the guilt'_

'_no more crap '_

'_there is a right and there is a wrong'_

Castiel's hand reached out of its own accord, he'd made his decision but then so had Dean. He'd asked for that life, when offered happiness and forgiven and peace, he refused it; he'd given up wanting normality.

Castiel had watched over him for two lifetimes, Dean was a hunter, heart, body and soul, but more than that Dean was strong, Sam was strong, Together they would survive whatever was to come, and maybe Sam would say yes one day, maybe Sam would become that thing Dean had met, but Castiel could not take that decision out of the younger Winchester's hands, if he did he was no better than Michael, Lucifer or Anna.

He was not God, _God, didn't care_, he was an angel and a friend and as such he would support them, fight with them and help them make the right decisions and hopefully keep them both alive.

Castiel discovered he still had faith….. In Dean.

And maybe even Sam.

One touch was all it took to place the world back on the knife edge. One touch and God's plan was back on track, hurtling them straight toward the end they were fighting to prevent.

Castiel felt the bones heal beneath his touch, felt the life return to the man's body. He felt the shift in that invisible bubble of time that said things were put right and in his grace there was a crackle that meant his time was up.

Tears burned behind his eyes with the knowledge that he'd made the wrong decision and for what he suspected where the wrong reasons, but it was done. Dean had gotten his dying wish. Dean would live, Sam would live…. And the end would probably come.

He glanced up from the unconscious body of John Winchester when a familiar shiver passed though him. Across the garage, appeared a face Castiel had waited thirty years to see again. A face filled with pain, worn under the stress of fighting for humanity but with a strength that would keep the world safe one day at a time.

His heart jerked at the sight, a watery smile pulled at his lips and he stared trying desperately to etch that face into his mind, all the while feeling the pull of oblivion. Before it because too strong, before the abyss could wipe him for existence to replace him with another version of himself, he sent a silent message through the air, his words settling unconsciously in their intendeds mind.

When he was sure they had reached their target he smiled again, a single tear sliding down his cheek. The pull grew insistence and he could no longer fight the inevitable. With his gaze still fixed on Dean and he fought the angel they'd come here to stop, he whispered. "Goodbye Dean…" and "…I love you." Knowing those words would never be spoken again, or heard.

The last thing Castiel saw before oblivion took him was John stirring and Mary fighting for her family as was the Winchester way.


	12. 11: Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

_Lawrence, Kansas_

_December 1978_

It was unseasonably warm; the sun was beaming down on the people gathered outside a small white house.

Mary stood at a small table looking down at the pile of knick knacks. She didn't intend to buy anything; she was simply just tired of being cooped up in the house. John had become more and more protective as she came closer to giving birth. They'd been arguing again over names. John wanting her to honour her parents, as they had passed away while his were still alive. She wanted to wipe all traces of that life from existence.

It wasn't that she didn't love her parents; it was simply that she feared what those names would mean for her child. As if by calling her child after them she would be somehow dooming them to that life. She didn't want her children to be hunters and if it meant never honoring Samuel and Dena Campbell then so be it.

She smiled at her neighbors as they strolled past, her hands running over her stomach. She felt her baby kick and felt a surge of peace.

As she turned to leave her eyes fell on a small porcelain angel, leaning his elbows on his knees, and resting his chin in his hands thoughtfully, bright white wings behind him. It was all white and flesh colour but for its eyes, small impossibly blue eyes, so sad yet somehow so fully of hope. It sat as if waiting for something…. Or someone.

Mary's mind flashed. Bright blue eye, this time human…. no, not human, an angels eyes. Sad like the figurine, glistening with tears and pain but within them there was love.

A voice floated over the images, the deep rough tone, warm and compassionate despite its gravelly timber. She was sure there was pain there too and it made her heart thrash and her child kick violently.

_ "Mary Winchester, I want you to listen and understand. You need never worry about_ _the child you carry within you, for angels are watching over him. I am watching over him and as long as I have the grace our father blessed me with no harm will come to Dean Winchester… or Sam…. For I am an angel of the lord and they are under my care, for eternity."_

Her child kicked again as if it had shared this message and Mary sighed with relief knowing her child was safe under the watchful gaze of heaven.

From that day until the day she died, Mary Winchester always told her son's that angels were watching over them. Though Dean would never believe it until the night a blue eyes angel walked through a set of barn doors and gave him faith in those words.

_ Thirty years later _

In a nameless motel, in a nameless town, Dean and Sam Winchester stared down at the unconscious angel, each holding a glass and toasting there establishment of what Dean laughingly but with little amusement called 'Team Free Will'.

They'd failed to chance the course of their lives. Their mother had still died in that house fire, their father had still taken them on the road as he hunted for the yellow eyed demon, Dean had still made that deal and gone to hell, Sam had still hooked up with Ruby and started drinking demon blood and Lucifer was still walking the earth because of it. All in all they had failed.

Dean threw back his whiskey and stared at the angel. For no reason he could think of he heard his mother's voice telling him that _'angels are watching over you.'_ And somehow he knew she had meant Cas.

From the moment the angel had reappeared in the motel room Dean had felt a warmth in his chest that seemed to have come from nowhere. When he's seen the angel again he'd had what felt like a brief memory and his lips seemed to tingle. There was a strengthening of the bond that linked them together and it all but stole Dean's breath away.

This angel would change the world for him if it was in his power to do so; he felt it in his soul. Cas would stand at his side till the very end and he loved him for it, though for all there sakes he would never speak those words aloud.

So instead he shook his head, force those thoughts and feelings to the darkest reaches of his mind and concentrated on the problem at hand. Saving the world and surviving it together.

**THE END**

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed this story. And a special thank you to my beta Don'tCallMeSammy. <strong>


End file.
